(7pm) Erica stopped by on her way to play pool. (Neat!)
(9pm) Tiredness!
"Beyond therapy" is a pretty strange movie!
10-4-88
(7am) Three times in the last week D O hasn’t made it home by the time I have conked out. (She has woken me up each time and I went and closed the window, so the bathroom hasn’t been freezing in the morning.) (I have to start staying up later somehow!)
Today I go to the dentist to get my cavity filled. (Yech!)
I better do grocery shopping and put some gas in the truck tonite.
It looks like "Fatal attraction" is coming to cable soon. (I have been curious to see it. (Miranda told me that movie will turn me off on aggressive women. (I would be lost without them!)))
Also, "Barfly" is coming to cable next month. (I am curious!) (Bukowski is one of the few modern poets I can relate to!)
The pain of withdrawal seems to have made me angry with myself, and I am spending more time putting myself down lately. (I am an easy target for ridicule. (Lots and lots of failings and problems!))
(6pm) Busy day!
Erica stopped by during the day and left another letter. (Neat!)
Erica finally found out why Henry broke up with her. (Ashley wrote Henry a letter telling him about Erica’s affair with Dell. (Ashley feels Erica is the reason Dell doesn’t love her, and was getting revenge.))-(When Carly and Ross told me about that affair last year, they said Ashley was talking about telling Henry.) (Erica’s comments about Henry thinking with his dick and chasing someone else already take on a new meaning. (Instead of dumping her so he can fuck around, he is mad and getting even.)) (Like I told her last year, if I found out about it, he was going to find out eventually.)
I have noticed some small changes, from quitting cigs already (e.g., my hands don’t shake nearly as much as the used to.)-(e.g., I didn’t cough at the Club Monday.)-(e.g., I am not waking up coughing.) (I hope I can quit forever this time!) (Tis still a constant struggle, but it seems to be getting easier.)
Work does provide some opportunity for working on my phobias. (I just can’t let anyone get close enough that they consider stopping by. (Building friendships there is just too risky!))
I think it’s best if I spend what little extra money I have on being a good host. (Being with friends is going to the best therapy I can afford until my marriage is paid off.)