I still find myself slipping into hoping Erica will want more than friendship someday. (Such a dreamer!) (I can’t complain about the reality though! (Being her friend is one of the nicest things that has ever happened to me!)) (Now and then the start of another poem comes when I think of her, but I have been letting them go on by. (Tis time to write some poems that tell some different stories, if I am going to write! (That will require experiencing some different parts of life!)-(I need to experience life from some happier angles and cut back on the sad stories!)-(I think I will need to experience the process of building a relationship to write about that part of life. (I have tried writing a few about that, but they are all dreams, and aren’t grounded in the reality of experience.))))
Tis amazing how veils lift and things appear clearer. (e.g., realizing I was doing things to keep women away, rather than being intrinsically undesirable, made me feel a lot better! (I am my own worst enemy when it comes to finding a girlfriend! (Always saying and doing the wrong thing at the right time.)-(A girlfriend could improve my life much, but I have to resolve the conflict inside me first, and stop being so afraid of a sexual relationship.)))
(10am) Tis nice not having to worry about birth control! (It sounds like that bothers Miranda a lot.)
Erica and Gwynn commented that r-rated movies show more of the women than of the men. (Women like to guy watch as much as men like to gal watch, and I think there is a market for films that shift the focus to target the female market.)
Tis kind of funny, but Charlotte didn’t want Jim to find out she was here watching the x-rated video! (All of the sisters seem to be uptight about sex.)
I would like to travel and see some new places someday, but I am happy living here for now. (This is the happiest I have ever been!) (First though I would like to explore here some. (Maybe one of these days I will find someone with gas money and do that.))
(2pm) Well, I went out and got paint and brushes, and got a coat of paint on the closet. (I will have to do another coat later.)
I started some seeds. (Hopefully a few of them will come up!)
(6pm) I put another coat of paint on the closet. (It soaked up almost a full gallon.) (Tis a lot brighter in there!)
(7pm) Hopefully by bedtime most of the paint fumes will have exhausted out of the closet and bedroom!
(9pm) Erica stopped by to tell me her father died. (Sad!)
Funerals are hard to face, but they do help us work through the mourning process!