Another piece of the puzzle is the distinction between dependency and mutuality. (I will keep puzzling on that one, but I probably won’t really begin to understand it unless I actually go through the process of working it out with a woman.) (And, it isn’t something that has one answer. The balance point would be different for each couple and it would change over time for any given couple. (Tis an ever-changing solution, evolving over time!))
One positive thing that came out of not being able to talk to my ex was that I learned about reading nonverbal cues in bed. (People always say communication is important to a relationship, but they don’t often stress learning to listen to the nonverbal messages. (e.g., in sex, the nonverbal cues are important to hear, in order to please the other!))
Well, the doctor says there is nothing seriously wrong with me physically. (Much relief!) (The other positive aspect is I got a complete physical for the first time in ten years. (And, I got a tetanus booster.)) (He said I should start coming in yearly when I am 45.) (Twas amazing how much wax he dug out of my ears! (Tis amazing I could hear at all!))
He wants to see me again in a month (He is going out of town for three weeks.), and he will let me know then about the test results and getting medicine for my anxiety attacks.
He said the reason people usually get the type of diabetes my dad has, is obesity. (If I watch my weight, I shouldn’t have problems with that.)
He says I should quit cigs because of the history of heart problems in my family.
Tis kind of silly that I got so worried over nothing! (Reminds me of a Woody Allen movie!)
I couldn’t think of anything that sounded good to eat for dinner, so I cut up a couple apples.
The only motivations I can come up with for quitting cigs are that it would save $90 a month and it’s good for my health. The motivations for not quitting are that I am addicted and it’s a good defense mechanism.
I saw Gwynn at lunch. (I was in a shitty mood and I probably bummed her out. (I have to learn to not get into feeling sorry for myself trips when I am with other people!))
I was going to try switching to cereal for breakfast, but the frig froze the milk. (So much for that idea!)
(7pm) I finally decided on soup for dinner.
(10pm) Another laid back nite at home. Now it’s time for sleep!