One problem I would have, if I didn’t have this phobia, is figuring out whom to chase! (Maybe not though. (If I chased purely based on lust, I would be chasing a lot of women; but, ultimately, that is only one element. (I would like to think that I would be wise enough to eliminate the women I wouldn’t get along with out of bed, which narrows the field considerably.))) (There are a lot of women I would like to make love with for a few hours, but Carrie is the only woman I have met so far who I would consider a long term sexual relationship with.)
Picking up someone for a one nite stand has the further problem of being too wasted to be good in bed. (I am always real horny at this point in the nite, but making love for hours requires more energy than I have left at this point. (One advantage of a long-term sexual relationship is that I don’t feel guilty about shorter love making sessions. (Even quickies can be a lot of fun, if I know that there will be times when we spend hours intertwined.)))
(5am) Erica and Miranda stopped by and we tipped a few brews. (Neat!)
(1pm) I woke up around 10am with a bad headache and feeling shitty, so I took some Advil and went back to sleep. Now I have got a little headache and I feel pretty good.
(2pm) After food, coffee, smoke and more Advil, I am feeling even better.
I worry about Miranda sometimes. (She is moving through the mourning process of divorce pretty well, but now and then she wanders out toward the edge.)
Erica and Miranda suggested I try more places, instead of just hanging out at the Hat. (I know there are lots of other choices, but I am not comfortable with bar hopping on my own yet.) (I think part of why I like music bars is the sound level gets in the way of communicating, and somewhat covers the anxiety attacks I am having. In other bars it’s harder to hide the fact that I have lost the ability to speak. (I can only deal with those bars if I am with someone I know. (Being with a friend helps alleviate the anxiety attacks, and my friends are extraverted women and love to talk, which also helps.)))
From what Miranda says she is having problems with Danny. (I hope they work it out!)
I think I will go to the Smokey Robinson concert.
My sister is pretty anti-dui right now. (Bill’s dad and mom were out in the country driving with another couple in April. Twas 11am, they came over a hill and another car was coming at them. (Twas a woman whose blood alcohol level was over 2.0.) (Both Bill’s dad and the other fellow in their car were killed.))
Erica commented that there are a lot of people who are even shyer than I am. (Quite true!) (One reason I would like to publish is the hope that reading about my journey might help others.)-(More people need to be aware of the problem, and maybe this could help some.)-(It could help other shy people by pointing them to other books and help them understand what is happening in their own lives.)-(It could also help people who aren’t shy to understand what is going on inside of shy people.)