Maybe the reason my unconscious has chosen to shut off my kids is to shut off contact with my ex until I have broken down the conditioning? (I know I have a strong paternal aspect, and that it's suppressed. (I would say I have satisfied that need of mine these past few years though my friends. (e.g., Hunter and Samantha both had lost their fathers when they were younger.)))
If that physics model works, maybe a way to break down my habit of trusting too slowly would be to spend time with someone who trusts too quickly? (Both extreme has drawbacks, but I have to find some way to be quicker to trust. (I think that breaking the sexual aversion will help that a lot.))
Couldn't the bit in the bible about man being created in God's image fit reincarnation? (It also says God's image is something humans can't see. (Maybe it's our souls that were created in God's image? (And, maybe the experience of being human is what our souls need to learn and grow to become more like Him?))) (Maybe the cycles in life are here to serve as a kind of endless loop, playing the same lessons over and over again, so we will eventually learn from them? (e.g., historians and economists have noticed a pattern of economic depression about every 54 years, which has repeated itself over and over for centuries, which exposes every generation to good and bad financial times. (It even shows up in the bible story where they talk about the old law where all debt is forgiven every 50 years.)))
My time in athletics was a good escape for then. (I had two rooms at the gym that essentially belonged to me, and one of them almost no one ever went into except for me. (I had a key to the gym and I would go there a lot and hide out. (Just read and listen to the radio.))) (No one knew but me how long my work there took, so it was easy to pretend that it took longer than it really did.) (I was even offered an athletic scholarship to the University of Kansas. (If I had followed that road, I could easily have ended up working that job in the NFL or for some major university.))
Another road I spaced off then was the Navy. (They offered me a full scholarship too.)
(Noon) Nice two hour massage.
There is a learning theory therapy for phobias that is similar to the one I am using now. (It uses a combination of deep muscle relaxation and presenting the phobic stimulus through videotapes and actors.)
Looking back, I was in the middle of an emotional storm when I got divorced, and what I have said about not reacting during emotional storms would have helped me then. (e.g., if I had ignored acting on my urge to chase the woman I left my ex for, I would have saved myself a lot of grief. (If I had waited for the storm to pass, I probably wouldn't have chased her at all.)) (e.g., if I had waited for the storm of lust to pass before getting married, I probably wouldn't have married my ex.) (I have got to remember that at times of emotional stress, I lose muscle control and the ability to think clearly, and to just wait until the storm passes before doing anything.)