(5pm) I have noticed that when I come to a bad memory during massage that my initial reaction is to stop the massage; but it always passes, if I just keep going.
(7pm) Nice two hour massage.
Memories from this one:
I was on a binge from Oct. '71 when my mom died, until I got married. (Maybe that was part of why I wasn't thinking clearly enough to not get married?)
When my mom died, I got all the symptoms of kidney disease (She had had that.), and I couldn't eat solid foods for months without being doubled up in pain for 8 to 12 hours. (Twas sort of like someone sticking a knife in my side and slowly twisting it for hours.) (I lost 70-80 pounds then.)
I met Nicole on a blind date not long after my mom died. We lived together for six months, but were only lovers the last month or two. Then she moved to California to go to school there, and I moved out there a couple months later. (I was obsessed with getting married then, but she wanted to wait. Since she wasn't interested in getting married I moved onto Denver.)
I lost my virginity and the next day I got a call saying my mom was dying. (What a way to start.)
(9pm) I keep watching sports on tv, but I am still not getting into it. (My ex forbid all sports, and my enjoyment of that part of life is something else that disappeared completely during the marriage.)
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
10-22-87
(6am) Another good sign last winter in Bozeman was I was able to cope with Mimi. (She was a friend of the woman I had left my ex for.) (Mimi is still putting me down to people there.) (I managed to talk with her pleasantly though, dance with her, party at her house one nite, and ignore the emotional daggers she throws at me now and then.) (I was proud of me. (I got a little uptight around her; but put up with it to be with Samantha and Annie, and kept my mouth shut.))
I got a letter from Samantha. (She is doing well. (Good for her.)) (She says Josh and Julia are in school and doing well. (Good for them too.))
(7am) I think that experience with that woman I left my ex for has some relevance for me now. (I am in pretty much the same situation as then, socially. (Although I had lived there for a little over three years the only people I knew were one's I had worked with. I did the Cunninghams taxes and they were the only one’s I had spent time with socially.)-(The Cunninghams helped me a lot. (They had lived there all their lives and were about my age. (Mostly they introduced me to couples, but I did meet Kate through them.))) (By pissing off the woman I left my ex for I made an enemy who was already highly involved in the singles scene there, and it made breaking into it harder than it could have been. (I started off with a bad reputation, instead of none. (I would guess that was part of why I ended up with mostly young friends. (The didn't know her.)-(And, younger women seem to often be more willing to give someone a chance.))-(Oh well, it was a learning experience, and I need to avoid pissing anyone off here!))))