Maybe part of the reason a lot of newly divorced people increase their bar going is that it's a source of emotional intimacy which helps replace the lost mate? (And, maybe part of why most drift away from heavy bar going is they find other ways to provide for that need? (Or, maybe the anger works itself out, and lets them start considering a new contract with someone else and getting their physical intimacy from a new mate?))) (We each have that need and our unconscious seems to make sure we satisfy it somehow.) (A lot of the self destructive things I have seen people do in divorce, can be tied back to satisfying the need for physical intimacy and releasing anger. (e.g., when Billie did her prostitute thing, she was angry with the men who had betrayed her, she was cynical, and she couldn't deal with any relationship. The cocaine and booze dulled her conscious mind, so she could do things it couldn't without a lot of guilt and such, and allowed her to satisfy her need for physical intimacy and work off her anger. (That was suicidal though and left deep scars in both her body and her mind.) (After the anger had diminished, she turned to church and spent more time with her kids, and got her physical intimacy that way. She still had a tremendous craving then for a husband, and I think that was a craving for emotional intimacy, to a great extent.))) (I think there are better ways to work off anger. (e.g., walking and Nautilus.)) (And, I think there are better ways to satisfy the need for physical intimacy. (e.g., massages and exercise.))
(9am) Here is an interesting thought: I have often wondered why I stopped hanging out in bars constantly, and maybe part of it had to do with physical intimacy? (I would say that part of the reason I chose the Paw was it was packed so often. I didn't like the crowds, consciously, but it meant a lot of little touches to be in the crowd. (I noticed that at the horse races this year. (Moving through the crowds meant a lot of little touches, and the sensation was pleasant to me.))-(The first 15 months of divorce I lived in a trailer five miles out of town, and I drove everywhere. Then I moved into town and started walking everywhere. (The more I walked, the less I craved going to the Paw. (Like I have said, the constant movement of fabric across skin while I walk, is a super source of physical intimacy for me.))))
I think another mistake people make in the financial markets is to try and do it all consciously. (I think one does it like I have done with my social and sexual problems. (Feed lots of data into the unconscious mind along with a lot of analytical tools, and then follow one's intuition as well as the results of the conscious analysis.))
Looking back, I would say this hermitage has fit into the model I learned in experimental psychology. (I have limited the variables in my life, which is one of the first steps in any psychology experiment. (I have come to a state of relative quiet, and my daily patterns are pretty much the same.) (Now, when anything different comes along that is out of my normal patterns, I see more clearly what reaction I have to that particular stimulus. (That has helped me to see what is going on inside of me, and identify what causes my anxiety and how much.))) (Before, there were a lot of variables constantly changing and I couldn't see clearly enough to know what stimulus caused what reaction. (e.g., going to the bars all the time, I had never realized that environment was what triggered my depressions; but in rarely going, I now know that it's an unconscious response to the stimulus of the bar environment.))
One problem with the idea of doing one nite stands, as part of my therapy is that my phobia is of sexual relationships, not sexual encounters. (Still, a lot of anxiety is caused by encounters, and it might be a helpful step.) (I think that I should be non-phobic enough to do one nite stands, but I realize that isn’t the final goal.) (I still have a long way to go to even get to the one nite stand stage.)
(1pm) Nice two-hour massage.