(8am) Although I can more readily access the part of me that enjoyed the company of men, and I can relate to other men better now; I don't have the same attitude towards women that I once did. (I have spent a lot of time with women since then, and have come to cherish them as fellow human beings! (I think the problem with a lot of men's attitudes towards women is that they don't spend enough time with women when it isn’t somehow sexual (either chasing or catching), and don't really get to know them as people. (That was Sharon's complaint about her hubby. (He would come home for sex, food and sleep; and his work and social time was with men.)))) (I can remember a time when I thought men and women were two different species of animal; but the more time I spent with women, the more I saw they were pretty much the same as me, in most ways. (I think that earlier attitude of mine is part of how men turn women into objects and slaves. (If one focuses on minor differences, and ignores that the other is mostly the same, the other becomes a different species, which can be placed below us. (Another example of that is how blacks were turned into slaves. We focused on the difference in skin color, ignoring that we are all mostly the same; defined them as a different species of animal, which was below ours; and being their superiors, they became like cattle.))))
I wonder if part of the reason I am taking longer than most to get back to sex and relationships is that most people don't stay and endure that much abuse? (Anybody with any sense probably wouldn't have married her!)
(9am) I will have to experiment sometime with trying my new massage / music / video therapy just prior to going to the bar. (I wonder if that would help the anxiety there?)
I think where some women's libbers go wrong is that they keep the attitude that men and women are two different species of animal. (They just argue that women are the superior species, rather than men.) (Isn't a lot of the war of the sexes founded in that attitude?) (Isn't that the root of all double standards?) (The same thing happened in the black liberation movement. (e.g., the Black Muslims believe that they are a different species than whites. (One could take the KKK and Black Muslim philosophies and get structurally identical one’s.))) (The same thing is true of religions. (The two species there are split on the basis of belief and is between the damned and the saved.)) (The same thing happens, in lots of ways, throughout society. (Isn't that the root of much competition? (e.g., athletic competition.))) (I wonder if there is any way to stop people from looking for ways to do that?) (Wouldn't life be better if people focused their competitive urges inward, rather than trying to be better than others?) (The Doors tune "5 to 1", says to me that the oppressed out number the oppressors by five to one, and therefore they will eventually win. The problem with that is our society is structured so that the oppressed are so split apart, that all their energy is focused on fighting each other, and the oppressed have no time and energy for dealing with the oppressors. (e.g., men against women.)-(e.g., race against race.)-(e.g., religion against religion.)-(e.g., …) (It goes on endlessly, and the result is that everyone is pitted against each other, rather than cooperating and living together. (What Gandhi did in India was to get all the factions of the oppressed to stop fighting each other long enough to throw the British out. (Unfortunately once that was done they went back to cutting each other's throats.))))
I have spent so much time running away, I don't have the experience needed to make valid judgments about all the different single lifestyles, or the appropriate reactions in all the various settings they are played out in. (All my single life I have been battered by emotional storms.)
(Noon) I gave myself a two-hour massage. (It isn’t very romantic; but at the least it's pleasurable and takes care of some of my need to be touched.)