One nice thing about sexual play, once I can find a girlfriend, is it's cheap. (Oil is cheap.) (Bodies are neat toys!)
Maybe divorce brings changes in us, because of spending time with a different group of people after it happens? (e.g., I know my attitude has changed as a result of spending time with women whose attitudes were different than my ex.) (Maybe most people drift back to monogamy, so there is some structure to their lives, rather than constant change?) (Times of transition are good, but constant change can be hard on a person.)
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
10-19-87
(6am) Thinking about it more, maybe I am competitive. (Maybe I have just focused it inward?) (The only person it's important to me to be better than is who I was yesterday.) (I worry though that it's because it's a way to shut off sexual chemistry, but I am not sure. (Mating games seem to include a lot of competition between people, and I just don't do that.)-(?)-(I think play time should be for fun, not to prove who is the better player; but maybe I will have to compete before women will notice me?))
One thing my friends taught me was that if I was sad I should be alone, and that I was getting in the way of their fun. (That fits that physics model. (If I am not happy, it will make everyone else a little sadder.)) (I think attitude is the biggest thing I have to work on. (If I can be happy around others, I think the social and sexual problems will begin to fade away.)) (The only time I have any serious problem with depression now is when I go out. (Maybe depression is another obnoxious behavior my unconscious generates to reverse sexual chemistry?)-(Maybe I have been mostly happy alone, because there aren't any women here to turn off?)) (I have a feeling a lot of my obnoxious behaviors will disappear, once I beat the phobias.)
When I studied business management, I found that the best way to make money was to get employees to cooperate and to avoid competition. (Cooperation focuses people's energy on the work rather than on vying with their co-workers. (A little competition can be good to keep down the level of boredom, but some people will hurt the business in trying to win.)) (If the primary purpose of playtime is to have fun, isn't cooperation the way to find the most fun? (When people start competing, it does seem to spoil the fun.)) (Maybe play, when it's among single people who are looking for a mate (at least for the nite), the purpose of play isn't fun; but a time to show who is strongest and such? (I am looking for women who are the fun, not the one’s with the best play skills; but maybe most women don't agree? (With my phobic reaction to play, I would be better off playing the court jester than the athlete.))) (I have noticed a lot of single people cooperate, in helping each other to find a mate. (e.g., two women friends who will help each other plan and carry out seductions. (Women friends were a problem for me, when it came to that. (I helped Kate and Samantha to pick up a bunch of guys, but they both refused when I asked them for help in meeting women. (Maybe they just didn't like my choices?)))))