The sensations of nudity sure are neat. (If I had more privacy and could afford to heat the place, I would spend more time nude.)
I think most people have an easier time with divorce than I have. (Most of the people that I have met have returned to sex and relationships long ago. (Oh well, it has been a learning experience for me and a fascinating journey.)) (I still think part of the difference, is that most people were fairly happy during their marriages and what they have to overcome is the anger that came with it's ending; while what I am getting over is the marriage itself.))
I do tend to get carried away with playing with my imagination. (Tis one of my favorite toys.)
I don't think the numbness some have told me about that came to them with an addiction to speed is unique to that. (I think it would come with over use of anything here. (e.g., lobster is delish, but if one ate it every day it would lose the delight and one would tend to become numb to it.) (I don't worry about the pot making me numb. (It suppresses my sexual aspect, and until I overcome my fear, that is good.)))
Although I still think I would be happiest if I found a girlfriend who is an extravert, I know I have to beat most of my anxiety first. (Who I am now isn't even likely to meet someone who enjoys playing. (And, it would be a rare person who would be willing to give up her fun for awhile to help me beat them, so I could play with her. (I am not sure that would even be fair, and I couldn't ask anyone to make that sacrifice.)))
I wonder if another part of my ex's spending was that she knew, on some level, that I was planning to leave when the finances got squared away?
Another reason I have to beat the anxiety, mostly at least, before looking for a girlfriend is that, if I did meet her now I would have an anxiety attack and lose the ability to do or say anything. (I would just sit there quietly coping with the attack, and she would wander on without even noticing me.)
I wonder if part of why I had problems communicating to my ex that I was leaving, was that I was incongruent? (My sexual aspect was happy with hers. (And, in the end, I had to trick him into thinking there was another lover waiting, to get him to agree.))
(5pm) All I have been doing lately is writing down what pops into my mind. (I have been getting a lot out of listening to the stories I am telling.) (I have been hearing some things in them, I have never heard before, and it's helping me.)
Erica commented that my perception about Gwynn being competitive seemed valid, and that it was annoying her, Miranda and Charlotte a bit. (Gwynn gave me a ride home from the barbecue at Erica's this summer, and she commented that the reason she liked Erica, Miranda and Charlotte is that they are fun people. (Gwynn seems to have been modeling their play behaviors and learning a lot of new play skills the past few years, but she seems to have forgotten to model their attitude. (I think she missed the most important lesson.)))
I have sure talked a lot about a variety of different single lifestyles here lately, and I think maybe it's that I need to be thinking about some of the other single lifestyles and considering trying something new.
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)