emotions of the people wanting into the organization, and by playing games to trigger a variety of emotions, the membership committee can see more clearly what each new person is about. (e.g., one criteria of a lot of clubs is avoiding violent people. Talking to a sober person doesn't reveal how they deal with anger; but if you get them drunk and submit them to humiliation, you will see. (e.g., it's a good way to learn about someone you are choosing as a friend or lover. I don't do it consciously; but I think I sometimes do and say things when I am fucked up to trigger responses in the women I am with, to learn about them. (That is part of how I have chosen the women I have spent the most time with, I think.))))) (Most people seem to follow the logic of:
1. Drugs intensify my emotions.
2. I react in destructive ways to those magnified emotions.
3. Therefore I will quit drugs.
(That stops the over reactions to emotions; but they have failed to learn the lesson that is in the experience. (e.g., my ex was into pot, booze, uppers, downers, …, when we met, and her reactions to her emotions under the influence of them caused problems in all of her relationships and often led her to the edge of suicide. Quitting drugs reduced the intensity and duration of her reactions; but she never learned to let them pass without reacting to them. (e.g., the intensity of her reaction to the waves of jealousy that hit her was reduced when drugs didn’t magnify them; but she reacted each time, regardless, and in pretty much the same ways. (Tis that pattern of reaction, which destroys relationships, not the drugs.))))) (Since meeting Erica I can finally empathize with what jealousy feels like; but I also see that it's a destructive pattern. By learning to calm myself and ride out that emotion, I am slowly conquering it. (Over time that emotion hits me less often, and I deal better with it.) (Neat!)) (The answer, I think, is to learn not to react, no matter how intense the wave of emotion. They always pass, and our perception of life is clearer after they do. (Tis hard to see anything at all in the middle of a storm. (e.g., I have had moments so black, where wave after wave of depression crashed down upon me, that I have considered suicide. I always survived the storm though and was happy I did. ("...take a lesson from the trees.")))) (I think drugs are here, in part, to teach us about our emotions and how to handle them.) (I can understand why some people don't drink; but I can't imagine becoming close to someone who wouldn't drink with me. (Alcohol is revealing!))
(11am) I feel guilty about being able to live this lifestyle; but, maybe, by sharing the experience through writing, I am giving back some of the luck?
When a lot of changes are happening in my life I often wish they weren't; but, after the passage is complete, I look back and I am glad I moved on across. (Maybe the wagon trains are a good example of that? (A lot of their journey was days of sameness; but there were always passages to be faced and conquered. (e.g., rivers and mountains))-(To reach their goals, they had to face some treacherous moments and risk being swept away.))
I think it's revealing that, when I studied sexual chemistry and such, I discovered my unconscious mind had hooked it backwards or unplugged the parts I needed. (I would say it knew all that before I studied it, and had done it on purpose to protect me. (Neat.)) (I think there must be better ways to do it, and that I will find them in time; but I think its instincts saved me from a lot more pain. (And, although I have played around with those connections some, I am not sure I am ready for what will happen if I plug it all in the right way and sexual chemistry starts happening for me.))
Maybe, in relationships, one should be selective about which emotions they let pass without reacting? (e.g., a wave of anger is best not reacted to until it has passed; but a wave of lust can be a lot of fun to react to, if both are experiencing it at the same time.)