(9am) I would say my anxiety is why I can't pull of a seduction. (I am experiencing so many emotions so intensely, any time I try approaching a woman; it makes my body clumsy, and blocks the ability to think clearly enough to talk. (That in turn causes women to perceive me as someone who wouldn't know what to do in bed. (If it hadn't been for my marriage, they would be right.))) (I think most women would guess I am a virgin.) (I have wondered if part of the why behind the person I let women see is an expression of anger. (From what a lot of women have told me, someone like my sexual aspect is who they are looking for, for a lover; and I could be giving a lot of pleasure. (Maybe it's the Child in me saying he was hurt and won't come out to play with anyone anymore?))) (From what I have read and experienced, the Child in a lot of women has been harmed and abused by the male sexual aspect. (Sometimes they go through a stage of fucking around to work off the anger. They coax out the child in a lot of men, play a bit with it, and then stick a knife in them. (Like my ex.))-(Sometimes they try to avoid the male sexual aspect all together by turning to women for lovers. (One possible problem with that is we each have a male and female sexual aspect, so they still have to deal with the male aspect of the women they bed.)-(Maybe, like with celibacy, that is also punishing men, by denying them pleasure?))-(Sometimes they choose celibacy for awhile. (From what I have seen, most people who have been abused in some way or another, go through a time of that in their healing process.))-(And, all that can be reversed and is also true of men who have been hurt by the female sexual aspect.)) (One thing I have found in celibacy is that it seems to have helped me to get in better touch with my own feminine aspects. (I think as a result of that, I would be a better lover now.))
(10am) That a lot of the single scene seemed to be people working off anger, concerns me some. (It seems to get cyclical sometimes: Him one hurts her one, her one hurts him two to work of the betrayal by him one, him two hurts her two to work of the betrayal by her one, her two hurts him one to work off the betrayal by him two, ….) (And, the drugs that are a part of that scene act to intensify the experience of emotion, which in turn tends to intensify people's reactions to them, and they end up saying and doing things they shouldn't, if they really want to continue being a couple. (e.g., the guys drunk, the woman sends a signal which evokes anger in him, which, magnified by the booze, leads to a reaction by him that is totally inappropriate. (e.g., violence)) (Eventually, he uses up all of her understanding, love, forgiveness, and whatever else it is that makes a person endure abuse over time, and the relationship ends. (e.g., the guy pisses off his girlfriend with his jealousy, she experiences it at a higher level because of drugs and over reacts by going out and fucking someone else, and kills the relationship.) (That is the problem I see with drugs in all relationships.) (I think the answer to breaking that pattern is to stop reacting to waves of any emotion, when they are crashing down on one. Ride it out, and wait for calm before doing or saying anything! (If one can't do that, and they want a long-term relationship, they would have to avoid drugs. (e.g., Annie told me a story last winter. (She and Jake and others were all fucked up on cocaine one nite. She went home for a bit and when she got back, she discovered that a strip poker game was under way and that Jake was already naked. She said she went home again right away because her first reaction was to strip and give one of the other guys a blowjob, to work off her anger. (If they kept up the cocaine, eventually a situation would arise when she would respond like that, and it would probably destroy the relationship.))))))) (I think one thing we have to learn about anger is how to discharge it without hurting the people closest to us. Tis a part of life that can neither be denied or avoided, and if we don't find out what to do with it besides vent it against the people we love, all our relationships are doomed from the beginning. (I know what I like most about Nautilus is that it’s a great way to release my anger without harming anyone. (I am not perfect about that, but I am trying and I think I have better control of that emotion than ever before!))) (A lot of people look at the problem of drugs magnifying our emotions as totally bad, but it has its uses. (e.g., there are many organizations whose initiation rites include a lot of drinking. The alcohol magnifies all the