One advantage of this hermitage has been the silence. (It has helped me to hear myself, and learn myself better.) (e.g., I have learned that through exercise, regular sleep, eating better, less alcohol, … I am able to improve my attitude towards life, and to gain more control over my emotions and happiness. (e.g., I knew, on some level, I was experiencing feelings more intensely than others (I am not unique, but not normal.); but it wasn't until recently that I was aware consciously of what was happening. (Knowing what is getting in my way and having tools to deal with them, were critical to changing my life; and it took the silence to hear it.)) (If I had continued on the way I had been, the cycle would have simply kept repeating itself; and experiencing that over and over again wouldn't have been useful.)
Another part of this hermitage probably has to do with figuring out what to do with all these stories people tell me. (Maybe I am supposed to just listen, try to give them a slight push in another direction, and forget them?) (Using them in my writing has helped me, in the telling, to listen to myself, and have provided me with much help in my journey. (I sense that others have heard themselves in the stories, and found some benefit in their journeys.)) (I don't want to hurt anyone by telling them; but maybe I can abstract them sufficiently, so that no one would be hurt by me telling them.)
On some level, I sense there are some major differences in the dynamics of stories. (i.e., a story told about people and places unrelated to oneself, has a different emotional impact than one told about people and places involved in our own personal drama. (e.g., I have told the story to Erica about me falling in lust with some woman, 100's of times over the years; but she didn't get upset until I told her that same story about her sisters.)) (I will have to be careful about that here. (For years the people and places I wrote about to Erica, had nothing to do with her personal drama; but the stories I hear and tell here are likely to touch her life now and then. (I will have to be careful about not telling any that might harm our relationship.)))
I thought of another example of what I mean by men and women who display their bodies consciously. (Carrie has an aspect she calls the "b-movie harlot", and that aspect of her is very conscious about her body, and using it to use men. (My sexual aspect is in lust with that part of her.) Most of the time though, she is a lot less aware of her body, and it's then that her beauty shines through. (That is the part of her I find desirable.)) (Maybe if I am going to go through a phase of using women, I should use mine consciously?)
Maybe another answer to women becoming jealous because of my sex drive would be to not let them see it? (Just try to mirror their sexual aspect, and not let them be aware I am capable of more.) (That requires thinking and that screws up sex.)
Tis strange how my writing has increased so much all of a sudden. (I think what happens is I collect all sorts of pieces of information and stories and feed them to my unconscious mind, it processes it all in trying to solve the problems I have assigned to it. Then when it's got something put together in response to my questions, it hits the print button.)