(11am) I know that one woman couldn't satisfy all my aspects. (e.g., there is a part of me that loves to flirt and dance, and when it's out, it could hurt a girlfriend. (I seem to have enough control over that aspect of myself that it's just that and I doubt I would cheat; but seeing it could cause some pain.) (I know one of Carrie and Hunter's problems was that they went everywhere together for awhile; and when that aspect of her came out, he saw it, he got hit by waves of jealousy and reacted to them, rather than riding them out. (People need times away from their mate, and a variety of friends of both genders.)))
I know I have to work at accepting and integrating all of my aspects. (e.g., I have one aspect that is very sexual, mischievous and spontaneous, that I developed to a high level while I was married; and there is another that loves and cherishes the platonic relationships, that I have developed to a high level since my divorce. The problem is that I don't totally accept both, and they are not integrated into who I am most of the time. Tis sort of like two completely different men inside of me! (e.g., my women friends wouldn't recognize my sexual aspect, and Sharon finds it hard to believe I am who I say I am with my women friends.) (Until I get to where both of those men are integrated and accepted within myself, I think finding a girlfriend is unlikely. (My women friends can't imagine anyone ever fucking me and my lovers can't imagine any woman not wanting to drag me off to bed all the time.)-(For a relationship to work, I have to find a way so women accept and appreciate both of those men.))) (Looking back, I think it was good for me to repress my sexual aspect and develop the other aspect to a level more in balance with the development of my sexual aspect; but I eventually have to integrate those two men, so that both find expression in my days. (Unless I integrate those two men, who are me, I will continue to find lovers who aren't friends and friends who aren't lovers!))
I know there are aspects of me that my women friends don't like. (e.g., there is a part of me that loves to girl watch, and leads me to fall in lust with most of the women I see; and my women friends are unanimous in saying they don't like that part of me.) (I don't dislike that part of myself, but I have come to realize there are times when it's best not to let it out.)
(1pm) I think my writing has taken some interesting twists, this past week. (At least I seem to understand myself a little better than I did a week ago.)
While integration of various aspects of myself will help some of my problems, I don't think it's the answer to all of them. (e.g., one problem is, when I am working, to learn how to shut off my work aspect before I am totally drained of energy.)
Maybe my tendency to overuse the exclamation point is tied into my body chemistry, and getting more intense reactions than a lot of people?
(3pm) Nice walk.