On the other hand, I suppose I should learn to start accepting a little pain. (I know that the times I have learned the most from and grown the most as a result of, have often been times I wished I wasn't experiencing, when they were happening.) (Unless I learn to gain better control over my emotions and to endure some pain now and then, I will never be able to deal with a lover again. (I am not there yet, but it has been painful moments that have helped me to come as far as I have.))
(10am) One thing that the jealousy I have experienced in loving Erica has taught me is, to gain an understanding of what it is I am feeling and becoming comfortable with it. (By being aware and remembering past experiences, I can calm myself enough now to let it pass. (When I tried fighting it, it seemed to get stronger and last longer; but, if I let go and just ride it out, it passes sooner and does less damage. (I suppose ships are a good analogy. (When there is a storm, a ship is usually better off out at sea, flowing with the storm, rather than being anchored and getting beaten by it's full force.))-(Another is found in Bob Seger's song "Little Victories". ("... take a lesson from the trees."))))
(4pm) Nice workout.
I have obviously got a lot of growing left to do.
(6pm) According to the tv news, some new survey shows that 70% of the women married longer than five years have had an affair, and the average length of their affairs is four years. (That fits into my feeling that I have to accept that, if I find a girlfriend, she isn’t going to be sexually monogamous; and that if I don't come to terms with my jealousy, I will be endlessly hurt. (I wouldn’t want to see or hear about them though.))
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
10-3-87
(6am) It hasn't happened often that I have ripped into someone with words, but it sure seemed to do a lot of damage when I have. (I wonder if that is partly because, if anything, I talk slower and quieter then? (Maybe that form of delivery being incongruent with the words confuses the other for long enough for the knife to slip past their defenses? (Maybe that is why me ex used to get mad at me for not yelling?)))