(Noon) Food stamps and money came today. (Yeah!)
(2pm) Well my monthly chores are all done. (Neat.)
My marriage taught me a lot about what game players are like, and although I try to avoid them, I do have the skills necessary to spot games and to avoid them. (That gets real tiresome, real fast.)
(5pm) According to the news, there was an earthquake in Calif. (I hope Carrie and Hunter are okay.) (I wonder if they managed to get together some more before he got shipped to San Diego?) (He was sure torn up the two times she dumped him. (Still, I think he is a better man for having known her!)-(I know there have been times when she has hurt me, and that I am a better man as a result of the experience. (How did I get so lucky?)))
Since Carrie says she is reminded of me, in reading Bukowski; maybe her comment about him not being someone a "hometown girl" would marry, applies to me too. (Few can accept all my aspects, and it would be an unusual woman who would want to live with me.) (Tis probably for the best, as blasé women bore me.)
(8pm) Another thing I try to avoid now, which I learned from my ex, is deception. (That whole marriage was an exercise in hiding myself. (That got real tiresome too.)) (The most important thing I learned was, if one is going to tell a lie, keep it simple, and tell the same story to everyone.)
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
10-2-87
(7am) I try to block off that time, because of all the pain then; but for some reason this week I have been remembering all the games my ex used to play. (Tis because of those experiences that I know how to rip a person apart with words. (When the urge comes to me to fight, I do it with words, and I have hurt some people a lot with them. (I don't like that aspect of myself.))-(Words are usually a far more effective way to hurt someone than violence.)) (Alexis on "Dynasty" could take some bitch lessons from my ex.)
(8am) Note from the ozone: Isn’t the new testament of the bible really just a ghost story? (Stephen King says the function of ghost stories is to open the trap door to that part of us, and throw some meat to the alligators.)
In his last letter, my dad says he thinks I should stay here, find a lower paying job, and work through my phobias. (I suppose so.) (I have the knowledge and skills necessary to make a lot of money; but I need to deal with the phobias before I will be able to sell them effectively.)
I still think "She’s always a woman" is my song.
One example of my ex's vindictiveness was that, the last two times I left her, she called where I worked and told them all sorts of horrible things about me, to try and get me fired. (Some people, when they are hurt, can't seem to be stopped from lashing out and hurting their ex lovers.) (I will stick with celibacy. (No one gets as mad at me as they sometimes do at their lovers.))