9-27-87
(11am) I am feeling good!
Last nite I ate six x-tops and a bunch of shrooms. (I just kicked back and got lost in the music and the candle flame.)
I had a really strong rush from about 8pm until 1am, and crashed around 3am. (I listened to Billy Joel's "Stranger" album three or four times (Beautiful.), and then I stuck a Talking Heads album on the CD player and hit repeat. (Who knows how often I listened to that one?)) (I knew I was firmly anchored here, but some part of me let go and drifted a long ways. (Beautiful feeling!)) (I let my female aspect out a long ways (Shrooms seem to do that to me. (e.g., I really get into their sensuality.)), and my male aspect came out too; and with them came the awareness that the key is in integrating them somehow.) (I pondered the golden ball in Tom Robbins's "Still life with Woodpecker", and it occurred to me that the primary purpose of most (if not all) balls is to bring people together.) (I pondered on what it means to be a writer, and it occurred to me that the primary function of storytellers is to get people, in listening to the story, to listen to themselves. (Storytellers are mirrors.))
(10pm) Quiet day. (Nice.)
I am doing some taping for Charlotte now, and that is keeping me busy.
9-28-87
(11am) I caught up with all my pen pals. (Neat.)
This taping project is a little annoying, as she wants mostly singles, rather than albums, and it requires almost constant attention; but it's nice to have a project and to do something for another.
I wonder if I will ever give up the hermit's life? (Each year I become more content and happy with it, and the desire for friends and lovers seems to diminish a little more.) (There were a lot of things wrong with me during my bar days, and I have corrected a lot of them; but, at least then, I was able to go out, slowly build friendships, and ask women to dance sometimes. (Now the fear level is so hi I can seldom get out the door, and, when I do, I am so petrified I am totally closed off from others.)) (Tis weird that I become happier and more content the more I am away from people. (Maybe it's my path, and I should accept it?)-(Maybe, given my genetic make up and experiences, being a hermit is the best life for me?))
(3pm) Erica stopped in and said hi. (Neat!)
She says she thinks my idea about taking some non-work related nite classes might be a good one. (I will have to check out that one, when work comes around.)
(11pm) Quiet day of taping.