I suppose saying I don't want to be desirable isn't quite right. (I enjoy looking nice. (I just don't want anyone to know yet; so I won't have to deal with my problem with sexuality.))
According to the paper today, the 1960's are this fall's college fad. (Pretty weird.)
(10am) Maybe part of the answer to beating jealousy is to break the connection that many have, that any form of physical or emotional intimacy means sex? (There are a lot of levels of physical intimacy, just like with emotional intimacy.) (From my own experience with my own feelings of jealousy and from watching others, I think that seeing a lover touch or be touched by someone else is a trigger for some intense feelings. (Part of why I got grossly fat when I was married was so other women wouldn't look at me. (I suppose part of the anxiety I am experiencing now about being more attractive physically, is rooted in that conditioning.)))
One thing I have noticed about a lot of people who are super jealous is that they often say they can't imagine a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, that isn't sexual. (I wonder how that ties in with the misperception that physical intimacy means sex?) (A lot of the super jealous people I have met seemed to have taken that idea and expanded it to looking at or being looked at by someone else. (I know, when I was married, there were tv shows and movies that I couldn't watch, because the actresses were beautiful women. Even with shows I was allowed to watch there were scenes, during which, I had to turn my head and not look. (Tis pretty annoying to have to look at the floor every time something I wasn't allowed to see came on the screen, but the alternative was another screaming attack, so I did it!))) (I know one thing that turned me off to Sharon was her saying she couldn't imagine a platonic relationship with a man. (I can't deal with jealousy! (I would rather be alone.)))
I read once about how cultural differences were a bit of a problem in England during WW II. (The American GI's were used to a culture where kissing didn't necessarily lead to sex, but the British women assumed it meant sex. As a result the GI's thought the British women were easy, and the British women thought the GI's were quite forward.)
Some of Erica's comments suggest that she thinks I sit around all the time thinking about all this stuff I write about. (I don't. (Things pop into my mind, I write them down, and then I go back to whatever mundane thing I was doing. (I think that a lot of these problems are so complex, that they need to be left to the unconscious mind to solve.)-(Consciously I do things like reading to increase the amount of information available to the unconscious mind, but there are too many pieces to try juggling them all with the conscious mind. (The conscious mind can deal with only about seven bits of information at one time, while the unconscious mind has a far greater capacity.))))
(1pm) Nice walk.
I like the new Grateful Dead video.
Here is a puzzle: Why is it, when my gut feeling is that Gwynn and I wouldn't get along as lovers, Erica agrees with that, and Gwynn isn't interested in me; does Carly seem to be trying to get us together?
(2pm) Quotes:
Tom Robbins-"Except the possibility that everything is connected."
"There's no point in saving the world if it means losing the moon."