9-17-87
(7am) Tis amazing that summer is almost done. (I have been so buried in work; I hardly even noticed it. (Tis amazing how days and weeks blur together and disappear when I get into "Outlaws and Poets".))
If writing is therapy, does that make my relationship with Erica similar to a therapist/client one? (Maybe part of my feelings for her has been some kind of transference? (e.g., I have noticed Freudian slips in my internal dialogue where, in thinking about Erica I use my ex's name. (In terms of height, build, skin coloration, and eye color, they are pretty similar.)))
(4pm) Nice walk.
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
9-18-87
(9am) I caught up with all my pen pals today. (Neat.)
In last nite's dream, I was at a basketball game. Before the game, they told the reporters to leave, then told the people who keep the official book, and run the clock and score board to leave, and then the fans started leaving. (All that was left was the players playing for the sake of playing.) (My interpretation of that one is that it refers to my habits of analyzing every moment and being a spectator to life rather than a participant. (My training in writing was in journalism, and I worked for the sports desk of the local paper during my first two years of college.))
(3pm) Nice walk.
I am still starting conversations with people during soak and sweat time at the Club. (There are getting to be more people there lately, in the afternoons. (Neat.))
(7pm) One good thing that has come out of working out is that I have discovered that I am afraid to be desirable. (Interesting.)
(8pm) I was getting a little sad, so I went to the store and bought myself some ice cream. (Much better.) (Yum.)
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
9-19-87
(7am) It still puzzles me sometimes why women I have known have bedded men they have labeled as worthless, and I have wondered what that makes me, since they never considered me to be worthy to play with. (I wonder sometimes if those fellows’ attitude is right, since they are the one’s who get all the rewards. (I would at least get more touching and conversation than now, if I would adopt that attitude.)) (Oh well, there is much beautiful to be found in my attitudes, and, when it really comes down to it I still prefer emotional intimacy, if I have to chose just one form of intimacy. (And, I now think that it's my phobias, and not my attitude towards women that has kept sex from my life.))
(10am) I put together a sample of "Feelings" to send to another publisher. (Keep trying!)