(10am) I did a little house cleaning. (That is one advantage of me getting bored.)
(11am) Although the people in Bozeman who I trusted most and was closest to were women, there were several men among my friends. (I think it's good to have a blend of men and women friends in my life.) (That is one problem with the traditional concepts of seduction, that I have been able to see. (They tend to set up an adversarial situation, and a game of conquest and surrender, rather than trust and mutuality.)-(As always though, I still can't help but wonder if that is my phobias talking. (I have to change my behavior and attitudes, in order to find lovers, and maybe that is one of the attitudes I need to change? (So confusing.)))) (Maybe men have to start out by treating women as some thing to conquer, and use those techniques to get them into bed; and then establish the emotional intimacy and trust at a later time? (I love emotional intimacy, but I never seem to get beyond that.))
(4pm) Nice workout.
(5pm) Erica stopped by, got me hi, and visited a bit. (Neat!) (It sounds like she is still having mega-fun. (Good for her!))
(6pm) I suppose it's a waste of electricity, but a lot of times I will turn the tv set on and never really watch it or hear it. (I seem to need some kind of background noise, to focus.)
I decided to pitch out the last of the chili. (My body just can't cope with one more day of that.)
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
9-10-87
(7am) Erica hasn't written me any comments on the last 100 pages or so of her letters. (I wonder if she is mad at me again?) (Probably just too busy.)
Numerology is interesting to play around with now and then. (e.g., 36 is a nine number and nine is the number of the poet. My 36th year here has been one of much writing, for sure.) (e.g., the Pythagoreans considered five to be the marriage number; as, in their system, two symbolized man and three symbolized women, and two plus three equals five. (I married when I was 23. (A five number.))) (37 is a one number, and it's the number of directness, ambition, and pioneering; and now would be a good time for me to focus on that. (Sell some of this work I have been doing.) (I made the move from Kansas to Montana in a one year.)) (In numerology, the primary concern is the numbers one to nine, and all numbers are converted into one of those nine numbers. (e.g., 37 is converted: 3 + 7 = 10, 1 + 0 = 1.)) (They also assign numbers to the alphabet and convert names and words into a numerological value. (A person's name number and birth date number are the primary factors in a numerological analysis of a person. (My name number is nine, and my birth date number is four. (Four indicates endurance, firmness of purpose, and calmness. (It can mean dullness, but not necessarily so.))))) (Interesting.)
For now, I still seem to be focused on a goal of finding long term relationships with women, rather than looking for one nite affairs. (I don't know what kind of long-term relationships it would be, but I think that will be up to the women I meet and what I work out with them.) (The trick is to figure out how to get to that goal from here. (How often to go out, where to go out to, how to behave and interact with women, …; all still have me lost. (Oh well, there are more important projects to work on now. (e.g., how to get out the door.))))