Last nite's dreams:
1. I think it was Topeka. I had a job delivering drugs for some store. The weirdest aspect of that one was that I did all my traveling down alleys filled with water, and used some kind of water creatures to tow me around. (?)
2. I was in Bozeman, and went to the courthouse to get license plates (dealer tags?). A few people who I worked with at the County passed through the dream briefly. One guy also in line waiting to get tags was a narc. (?)
3. The setting seemed like Missoula, but wasn't. The kids were living with me. Some group had come into town, had taken over the downtown area, and was killing everyone. As a result, we were hiding in the apartment with the lights out, and I was having trouble keeping the kids quiet. Just after it began, I moved the truck from being parked on the street to behind the house, and I had to drive through snow. (That is sort of reflective of my behavior here.)-(I seem to be hiding away from something dangerous.)
(9am) There were a lot of back doors and alleys in last nite's dreams. (?)
Maybe what I was hiding from in the last dream, was symbology for my ex? (She is vicious and scares me to death.)
Tis interesting that the order of those dreams is the same as my wanderings, geographically.
Dreams are fascinating.
(Noon) Nice walk.
Still nothing exciting in the mail.
(4pm) Nice sun tanning session.
A couple of single guys called in on the "Dr. Ruth Show" last nite, and she told them to
get out into the community and meet lots of women. (I know I should, but the fear has won
for now.)-(I will keep trying, but I may never act single. (It could be nice to change;
but I don't know if I can overcome the fear and learn to trust that much.)) (One of them
commented about being shy, and used the example of not being able to ask women to dance.
(She told him not to worry about that, because women today have broken out of chauvinistic
patterns, are becoming more assertive, and are initiating interactions with men; so all he
needed to do was to go out, and women would ask him. (I got a good chuckle out of that.
(She has obviously not been to Montana.)-(I noticed that the VoTech's course on
assertiveness training is for women only, so maybe that is a sign that things are changing
here?))))
(5pm) I am still not very up beat, am I? (I have to keep working on my attitude.) (From my readings, I think there is reason to be optimistic that I will overcome all this in time, and I think I will get there. (Tis going to require lots of time, making lots of mistakes, being patient with myself, being willing to expose myself to and experiencing lots of pain, .…))
Maybe learning seduction in order to go through a phase of f'ing around, isn't something to include in my therapy plan? (Sex can be nice, but using others often brings pain, and that isn’t what I need to associate with sex.) (And, it seems to involve defining women as objects of conquest, instead of as fellow human beings. (And, leads to missing out on the other beautiful aspects of being with women.)) (But, maybe that is the only way to establish a relationship?) (That part of life has me totally lost.)