It also says to tell everyone else about it, but I am unsure about that. (To tell potential lovers I have a phobia about sex would explain my behavior; but I think it would also tend to insure continued celibacy. (Women are looking for men who are fun and open to sexuality, not someone who has hang-ups.)) (I am glad I can talk about it with Erica and Carrie though. (Tis nice having people in my life who care and who are willing to listen!))
It also says to do something each day regarding facing the phobic situation. (That doesn't fit what I have done regarding going out the last few years. (I have gone out sporadically, at best; and I have often gone months without socializing.))
It also says to do things to distract the mind in the phobic situations. (That seems to fit.)-(When I can make myself dance, shoot pool, talk, …; I am not as aware of the fear, and I am more comfortable.)-(And, when I just sit there alone, if I can occupy my mind with something like watching people, calculating the male:female ration, …, that helps too.)-(It also suggests writing to help distract the mind from the panic, and that has been one of my favorite pastimes in the bars.)
When I do go back to the bars, I think the first thing to do is to simply get used to the environment again and become desensitized to being there. Then move up to trying to interact and build relationships. (And, maybe someday, if I keep it up and keep pushing myself into situations that cause greater and greater levels of anxiety now, I will be able to approach sexual encounters.)
Maybe I should move my workouts to the morning or evenings? (That would bring me into contact with more people. (I am getting pretty comfortable there now in the afternoons, and I suppose I should push myself into more threatening situations.))
(10am) Quotes:
Fredric Neuman, "Fighting fear"-"A phobia is an excessive or unreasonable fear that leads a person to avoid a particular object or situation."
"It is the fear of fear itself."
"The phobic characteristically maintains such tight control, it isn’t usually possible to tell when he is having a panic attack."
He suggests that when panic hits, people should distract themselves with:
1. Conversation.
2. Engaging in an activity that requires thought.
3. Observing systematically.
4. Engaging in specific repetitive behaviors.
Interesting book. It never came close to the topic of sexual aversion, but I have some ideas on how that model could be used in dealing with it.