One reason I think I am a good manager is that when I have got my work done, I help others with theirs; rather than kicking back. (It does a lot of positive things, I think:
1. It gets the office's work done faster.
2. My people know I don't consider any of their work as beneath me. (And, in turn it gives them a greater sense of dignity. (I feel.))
3. I learn all the jobs, so I am capable of training new people.
4. I get an idea of how long each job takes, so I have some measure for rating people's work.
5. It sets up informal moments where I am accessible to them.
(I get to know them, during those times, as people; and they get to know me as a person.)-(It isn’t something you want a lot of; but it's important, I feel, for it to be an aspect of my relationship with the people who work for me.))
(11am) I worry sometimes; but I think, for now, my budget priorities are pretty good. (It would be nice having more food; but I get more pleasure out of giving myself a few treats than I would from spending more on food.) (If I don't have at least a little play budget I feel I am cheating myself.)
Speaking of which, there was still no money in the mail. (If it comes tomorrow, I think I will treat myself to a day at the fair. (Have a few beers, pig out on all the different foods, girl watch and check out the horse races. (That was a really fun day last year, and it would be nice to do it again.)-(But, if not, no big-a-deal.)))
When I switched to eating my meal earlier in the day, I kind of missed dinner in the evening; but now that it's spaghetti time, it's nice getting it over with. (One of these days I will have to get into cooking and start experimenting. (What a rut I am in there. (Roast, chicken, spaghetti, and hamburgers; over and over again, for four years.)-(I am a lazy cook.)-(And, a lazy housekeeper.))) (It amazed me at first, how much time Ross and Carly spend cooking; but actually it's a nice ritual for them. (Sit around, unwind from the day, visit, and cook.)-(They seem to be getting along better than a year ago.)) (I think the themes to my cooking are not spending much time or money on it. (I average about five to ten minutes a day preparing meals. (e.g., the first nite of spaghetti, it takes about twenty minutes to get all of the stuff together; but the next three nites, it's just a matter of pulling the pot out of the frig and turning the stove on.))) (Whenever I have had extra money, I have always considered spending some to buy tools for cooking; but I always seem to find something else to spend it on.) (I suppose all that is bad, but food, to me, is just something I have to do and it's mostly a nuisance.)
(4pm) Nice walk.
(5pm) According to this first book on phobias, if I wait for the urge to go out, I will never do it. (I am going to have to face my anxiety, and force myself to do it.) (And, it says, the longer that I wait to do it, the more things that I will lose the ability to do, and the harder it will be to break through.)
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(6am) I suppose I should cut out the "Dr. Ruth show". (Listening to the stories about
the grief in sexual relationships isn't going to help me get over my sexual aversion.)
This book says to admit the phobia to yourself, and I feel I have been coming to do that more lately; and am moving towards becoming more congruent.