Quotes:
William Masters, Virginia Johnson, and Robert Kolodny, "On sex and human loving"-"Every person has sexual feelings, attitudes, and beliefs, but everyone's experience of sexuality is unique!"
"It is impossible to understand human sexuality without recognizing its multi-dimensional nature."
Gail Sheehy- "At least 1/2 the potential pleasure of the sexual experience comes from how a partner responds."
"What men and women achieve together benefits both - the quality of life, as it is individually experienced, can be greatly expanded by a fully shared partnership."
Harlow-"The little we (psychologists) know about love does not transcend simple observation, and the little we write about it has been written better by poets and novelists."
George and Nena O'Neill-"... marriage is still
basically two people trying to love each other and answer each other's needs."
"... most of us have gotten more training in learning how to drive than in learning how to love."
Elements of an non-addictive relationship:
1. Each person is secure within themselves.
2. The lives of both people are improved by the relationship.
3. Both people need to have other serious interests and relationships.
4. The relationship is integrated into their lives.
5. Each is beyond being possessive or jealous of the other's growth.
6. They are also friends.
Intimacy requires:
1. Each person has to take responsibility for their own needs and not being dependent.
2. Doing what you say you will do.
3. Being trustworthy.
4. A two sided commitment.
5. Sharing by both, equally.
6. Communication that isn't one sided.
7. Being supportive of each other.
8. Not spending most of your time together in conflicts with no resolution of them.
I will have to look for some books on phobias. (The article in the newspaper said to use a process of desensitizing to break it down.) (Sex itself isn't what I have to desensitize myself to, I don't think. (I seem to function just fine (Sharon was impressed anyway.) once I get to the bedroom; but I have to find some way to get comfortable with establishing and existing in sexual relationships.)) (I still think I need to begin with social relationships, in non-sexual settings, and gradually work up to it.)
The next book on my reading list is about intimacy. (I think the value, to me, of studying intimacy is to try to adjust my attitudes and concepts of what it really means. (I think part of my problem is bad (or immature)-(or unrealistic) models for parts of life like intimacy, and that I need to work on changing my models so they fit reality better.)) (As always, I realize that books aren't the whole answer, and that I will have to take what I learn from them out on the street and work it out with real life; but this is how I have learned most of what I know. (Study it in books and then take it out onto the streets.))
I read that brown rice is better than white, nutritionally, so I got some. (I cooked some last nite, and I like the taste of it better than white.) (Keep improving my diet. (I think that is another important aspect of what I need to be doing, to get better in other ways.))