(4pm) A few months ago I searched the libraries for books on intimacy and commitment, under those subject areas; but had no luck. This time I decided to study sex, and I am finding a lot on those topics in these books. (I should have known to look under that subject heading back then.)
I found a new term for choking gophers in this book: "Autoerotic activity".
I got a call from one of the companies I applied to in Seattle today. (A publishing company.)
Maybe I should look into Reno? (My sister said she thought I would like it. (I would be closer to brothels there than here.))
The more I look at what I say and do, and the reactions I get from it; the more I am aware of how far I have to go. (That gets depressing. (I have to stop looking at how far I have to go and remember how far I have already come.))
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
8-25-87
(7am) Happy birthday to Carrie!
The sexual model they present in the book "On sex" is: excitement, plateau, orgasm and then resolution
(8am) I am still totally confused about infidelity. (It can destroy relationships and always seems to bring a lot of pain; yet sometimes it's a growing experience and the relationships end up being stronger for the experience.) (And, it seems to contradict human nature to contract to sexual monogamy when it's so hard to achieve.) (?)
Another thing I think I need to work on is not talking about me very much. (Now is a time of intense introspection for me, and talking about me and my problems seems to dominate the conversations I am involved in. (Maybe I should just avoid others and conversations, until this time of introspection is past?)) (I think part of why I made women smile, in the Paw days, was that I listened to what they said and the conversations tended to focus on them.)
(Noon) I think I may have found the "proper" label in this new book, for my sexual problems. Tis a form of "sexual desire disorder" called "sexual aversion", which is a phobia.
(3pm) Nice walk.
I have come to hate and dread spaghetti.