I think another reason I feel I could consider learning to jitterbug but not square dancing, is that that type of music and dancing appeals to me, but the other doesn't. (Who knows why, but, for now, I am going to stick with doing what appeals to me and I feel comfortable (Or is, "least uncomfortable with" a more appropriate way to say it?) trying.) (For whatever reason jitterbug lessons seem like a pretty safe way for me to work on being more social and desensitizing myself a bit to touching.)-(Also people have told me that the average age in the country and western bars here tends to be closer to my age group, so it's also a way to begin associating with people my own age.)-(If I ever get to where I am ready for women, other than platonic friends, that would be a good skill to have.) (Still, I prefer rock and blues music, and those bars feel less threatening to me, so I think I will mostly stick with them, for now anyway. (In those bars, I don't feel it's very likely any of the women will even be aware that I exist, and, for now, that is what I can cope with. (I know it isn’t good, but first I have to get used to going out again, and not worrying about having to deal with any sexual encounters is part of what will let me do it.)-(Once I have reestablished the ability to go out, I will worry about desensitizing myself to interacting. (And then when I adapt to interacting, I will work on desensitizing to more daring pursuits.))))
I have a feeling that if I move to a big city I will have an even harder time becoming social and sexual than I would if I stay here. (The potential for bad experiences is higher there, and it's easier to get lost in a crowd.) (Oh well, wait and see what happens; and deal with whatever comes along, as best I can.)
(9am) "Love me" uses the analogy of wiping a slate clean for what happens in depression. (That is pretty good. (I know that my depression erased about everything from my slate of enjoyable activities!)-(I am seldom depressed anymore, and the slate seems to be filling up again. (Tis slow, and I haven't added much that is social; but hopefully that will change.)))
I have sure come across a lot of items lately that link up our emotions with our body chemistry. (I think part of the improvement in me has to do with that. (e.g., exercise, eating better, sleeping better, lower drug consumption, ….))
Tis fascinating how people’s body chemistry varies, and how different drugs effect different people, and varies in the same person over time. (I have found a lot of positive experiences from the altered states I have experienced on drugs.)-(There have been negative one’s, but I think I learned from them as well. (Possibly more so.)) (Some people though, have really radical reactions to some (or all) drugs!) (Drugs are a gift and a curse!)
If there is some purpose to being here, I wonder if there isn't something to be gained from everything that is available for us to experience? (Is every part of this world a gift and a curse?) (Maybe the goal, if there is one, has to do with finding the gift in each experience?)
I tend to believe in reincarnation. (Existentialists say people are what they contribute to life. (Maybe the contributions are an unconscious effort to leave markers for oneself in later lives? (Each generation, our body of knowledge expands and communication of that knowledge improves; and if people didn't keep making contributions, that wouldn't happen, and we would have to start from scratch again all the time. (Maybe we are a race of beings that evolve through chains of brief moments of time in this world?)))