Interesting book.
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
8-21-87
(7am) "Love me" says to avoid the "meet-markets". (Singles bars, dating services, introduction ads, ….) (I have heard that a lot from a lot of sources.) (They say to get involved in clubs, groups, and other community activities that interest you, to take classes, work, join a health club, whatever attracts one’s interest; and that in doing that a person will meet a wide variety of people to choose from, who have similar interests. (Interesting that that is also how they say most people met the one’s they had affairs with.) (That is what Samantha and Carrie say I should do. (I suppose so; but first ….)) (I enjoy bars most when I go with friends to shoot pool, dance, …; rather than as a place to meet people.)) (Wait and see what happens. (I think it will continue to be an interesting journey!))
Tis really wonderful having Erica and Carrie to share with! (How did I ever get so lucky?)
"Love me" and Dr. Ruth both say that telling a lover about an affair
is foolish, which fits what both Erica and Carrie have told me. (The book does say to talk
about just about everything else though, stresses good communication (both verbal and
sexual), trust, emotional intimacy, and commitment, to make a relationship work. (My
marriage had none of those qualities except sex.)) (I told my ex about my trips to the
massage parlors. (At the time I told myself it was to be honest; but it probably had more
to do with relieving my guilt, and mostly to do with getting her to dump me. (After all
the years of screaming at me about infidelity, I was sure that she would want a divorce.
(But no, she agreed to get therapy and to let me go for some therapy, and to try to
change, so I went back; but all she wanted was a chance to whip me some more!)-(I left her
twice ('77 and '80), before I finally got the whatever it took, to stay gone. (I wish I
had stayed gone in '77!) (Oh well, I did finally do it, and that is what is really
important.)))))
It still bugs me that the Surgeon General suggested conditioning children for
sexual monogamy, as a cure of Aids. (What does he think our society is already doing?)
(That totally doesn't fit reality!) (The logistics of truly safe sex would be a nitemare.
(Everyone would have to wear chastity belts, for starters.) (And wait a year before having
sex, so they could be sure the test results were accurate.) (There would be a lot of horny
people running around.)) (Dr. Ruth says to get to know someone before becoming
lovers, don’t have many lovers, look for a sexually monogamous relationship, and hope
you are lucky. (I think that sounds pretty sensible.)) (Right now, here especially, the
odds of coming into contact with Aids aren’t too high. (I use disease as an excuse
sometimes, for avoiding sex; but I don't think that has much to do with why I am
celibate.)-(I think it's a good reason for not getting into a long-term pattern of one
nite stands; but that probably isn’t a good way of life for me to explore now, for
reasons that have nothing to do with disease.))
It interested me that in "Love me" they talk about sex giving power to another person. (Maybe I don't express my desires and sexuality, because I don't want to give anyone that much power over me?)
It also interested me that they say their model fits many forms of betrayal. (I think they should have stressed that aspect more, but I suppose focusing on sex sells more books.)
Someday I hope I become more in tune with my emotions and stop deceiving myself so often!