I would say I have become addictive about working out. (I have thought about taking a week or two off, to give my muscles a break from the same routine, but not often or for long.) (I am not sure that now is even the right time to do it. (Besides the exercise and the benefits that working out has brought to my life, the Club is the majority of my social life, and it fills in six hours of my week that I wouldn't know what to do with except to sit at home alone.)) (I think that, eventually, I need to put some variety into my workouts and to start putting my muscles to some use. (e.g., try an aerobics class and sports that involve other people to get some social element to my exercise.))
(Noon) I got a letter from my dad and he is doing well.
I got a letter from Hunter too. (He is sounding better than he has in awhile.) (Right now he is in San Francisco working in the Coast Guard yards there.) (They will be moving him back to Morro Bay in a week, and then on to San Diego.) (He still hasn't connected with Carrie, but is going to keep trying.) (He says he is in love with a woman in Milwaukee; but that he is going to forget her since she is 2,000 miles away.) (He says he is going to start looking for a "California honey", and get back to being a sexual being again.) (He has started lifting weights and really loves it. (Good for him.))
(3pm) Nice workout.
I don't know how to change the perception of me that I create for people I work with. (I don't want to depress them; but I do want to paint a picture that will prevent anyone from wanting to become a part of my non-work life. (Part of why work is somewhere I am comfortable and I can practice being social, is that I keep my distance.)-(And, I can't risk a sexual harassment lawsuit or for anyone to discover the part drugs play in my life. (I can't afford to lose a job!))) (Still, one thing I have to practice is not depressing people, so I will have to make some changes in how I interact there.)
(6pm) I don't normally put myself down as much as I did the last time I ran into square dance lady; but then I seldom run across a single woman who tries to get me to go somewhere and tells me I am attractive. (She scared me, and I pushed away hard.) (I have a long ways to go before I will be able to deal with single women!) (I imagine I misperceived again, and she was just being nice; but that didn't stop my defense mechanisms from kicking in full force.)
I did a little more cleaning today. (Amazing.)
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)