I have tried telling people that I am looking for lovers, but that seems to cause problems. (e.g., now and then a woman believes me, makes a move toward me, and I run. (Sometimes, like with bowling, I end up totally giving up that part of life, simply to avoid the woman.)) (e.g., it's a verbal statement that is totally incongruent with my behavior and body language, and that isn’t healthy. (e.g., I start believing it myself and then end up feeling sorry for myself because my behavior keeps lovers away.)) (e.g., others start coming up with ideas for me to use in my quest for lovers. (We end up playing a game where they waste their time coming up with ideas that I shoot down. (One problem with being intelligent and analytical is that I can build a rational argument for or against just about anything.)))
Saying I am not interested in sex doesn't seem to be any better though. (e.g., it depresses people.) (e.g., it has sets me off as abnormal, and as someone people don't want to be with.) (And, it's also incongruent, as I have a very strong sex drive, which keeps demanding to be given attention.)
I will try avoiding the topic of sex completely, but that may be hard to do and just as bad as the other two ways. (e.g., one function of bars is release of sexual tension, and it's a major topic there.)
Maybe the only real answer is to stay alone until I can be sexual and playful?
I am out of projects to do again. (I will have to find some new one’s to fill up the hours and keep boredom away.)
Pot makes unemployment bearable, but maybe I should change my priorities and devote that money to job hunting? (Right now I am out of stamps and money for out of town newspapers, so my job search is pretty much dead in the water until I borrow some more.) (I hate to give up all treats that make my life happy, but I have to find a job soon.) (Although my budget priorities still aren't great, they have improved since my last period of unemployment five years ago. (Then the only relevant item was money for the bars, and to hell with my health and everything else.))
I have also been considering borrowing enough to move to a big city. (I have my doubts, in today's job market, whether I can find one there from here. (If there are lines of people for each job, they are not going to pay to have me come there to interview, and pay to move me there.))
My dad wrote that he visited with a friend of his in Phoenix. (That fellow told him it isn’t a good time to move there. (Seattle still appears to be the best bet.))
(10am) According to MTV the new Suzanne Vega song is about child abuse. (That isn’t what I thought it was about, but I tend to be dense.) (Child abuse is sad!)-(Abuse of human beings, in any form is sad!)
I sure have lost a lot of books by loaning them out. (I talk to people and then loan them books that I have read, that fit the problems they are having.) (I don't mind losing them though. (It makes me feel good to try and help others!))