The three basic steps to therapy are to:
1. Understand why things are happening the way they are. (e.g., I am not undesirable; I just don't let anyone close.)
2. Accept that it isn't some mechanical outside force that causes it, but our own choices.
3. Start making new choices.
(I have worked through the first two, but can’t seem to move onto the third.)
Erica commented about how organized I am with my work. (I am a good worker. (People are always amazed at the volume of work I manage to turn out.))
R.D. Laing talked about how check mate situations (no
move, no win) lead people to check out. (That is about what happened to me when I got
divorced, and I still haven't checked back in.) (It has been an interesting journey, so
far!)
6-11-87
(8am) Another way to look at the change in my girl watching is it's now more in line with suggestions my women friends have made. (i.e., I don't stare anymore and I am subtler about it.)
(9am) Sometimes I find myself thinking I have never had a lover who was a friend, but I did with Nicole. (Twas long ago and I tend to forget those moments.) (Tis nice!)
(1pm) I had to come up with a copy of my college transcript for a job application, and it took me a couple hours of digging through boxes to find it. (What a walk down memory lane that was.)
(3pm) Nice sun tanning session.
(5pm) Erica called and I went down to the park with her and Charlotte, and played some tennis. (Neat!)
I do seem to analyze everything don't I? (Tis probably a bad habit, but it keeps me from getting bored.)
I wonder why I am still hung up about fishing and rafting? (The two days last summer Erica dragged me along to the river I wasn't able to cope with joining in, but those were the nicest days of the summer. (I tend to feel that since I did enjoy myself it was good; but if my behavior depresses the people around me, it's better I stay alone. (I am still not social, open, or real friendly; but I often enjoy myself when I do get in social situations. (How do I become social, open and friendly, so that others enjoy having me around?))))
(6pm) I am still totally lost as to what to say and do in social situations. (Tis as alien to me as accounting would be to most people.) (And, every time I have experimented, I have said the wrong things or done the wrong things; and hurt someone or been hurt myself. (So, I am quiet and I follow others who do know what to say and do. (But, I suppose that is bad too; so stay alone until I figure it out.))) (My other conscious reasons for not suggesting things to do when I am with others are that I don't believe anyone wants to spend time with me (so I wait to be invited by others, and don't ask. (Sometimes I even have to be convinced they really want me along.)), and I am concerned they do things they didn't want to do because of the limitations imposed on them by spending time with me. (I don't want to strain any relationship.))