(3pm) It took five loads, but laundry is done again. (Neat.)
(10pm) Erica just called and visited for a bit. (Hearing her voice always brightens up my days!)
(11pm) Quiet nite of reading. (Nice.)
6-10-87
(7am) I had one dream that had to do with hiding from people (even in trash cans), and another where I was staying in some hotel (mostly riding on the elevators and not being able to stand up).
(9am) Erica bought me breakfast. (Neat!)
She commented about how I never suggest anything to do. (Most of what I do is done alone, and I let others lead when it's playtime. (Probably another bad habit, but it's led me to a lot more fun times than I have found on my own.))
Maybe I should talk to others when my friends wander off to mingle in social settings; but I don't know how, and I don't have enough courage to learn.
I still don't think growth necessarily requires interaction. (I think growing requires both time alone and time with others.) (Right now, for me, is a time of alone, and has lead me to much that could never be found with others.) (I think time devoted to inner journeys is well worth the sacrifices and pain.) (Tis a less traveled path and it's easy to lose one's way.)
Chronologically I am 36, intellectually maybe I am older than that, but emotionally and socially I am still a child. (The social maturing will require spending time with others.) (The reason I am ahead intellectually is having spent so much of my life studying. (It has had a lot of advantages; but it was a defensive action, and kept me from ever having to deal with learning to be social and playful.))
I disagree with Erica that I won't meet anyone, if I am not assertive in bars. (There are aggressive and assertive people in the bars, and I always end up meeting some of them. (I would never have met anyone, if that weren't true.)-(I would never have met her, if she hadn't made the first moves and befriended me!) (And, it's those people who I often get along with best, and who are skilled in the parts of life where I am lacking.))
(Noon) Samantha wants me to go over there in August for a party, but I think I will pass. (I enjoy myself there, collect lots of hugs, and spend time with friends; but isn't it avoiding reality? (If I am going to spend money and time on socializing I need to it here, not on running away to somewhere else.))
(1pm) Quotes:
R.D. Laing, "Politics of experience"-
"... the ordinary person is a shriveled, desiccated fragment of what a person can
be."
"The condition of alienation, of being asleep, of being unconscious, of being out of one's mind, is the condition of the normal man."
"Society highly values its normal man. It educates children to lose themselves and to become absurd, and thus to be normal."