(7pm) Quiet afternoon.
I wonder if I will ever like myself enough to rejoin life? (Or, trust myself enough to chose lovers who are good for me?) (Or ….)
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
5-27-87
(8am) What to do with today? (I have to find some new project to keep me busy.)
I want to be a good friend for Erica, but I seem to be lost as to how to do it. (I always seem to do and say the wrong things, and upset her.)
I am missing my sun tanning sessions; but we were in need of rain, and I am glad it's here.
I am growing weary of unemployment. (I hope one of these jobs I have applied for comes through.) (It will be nice to get back into the process of getting my marriage paid off too. (I will be so much happier when that is in the past!))
The Club was closed Monday, so I got a five-day break from Nautilus. (Nice.) (I haven’t increased the weights I’m lifting in awhile, but the repetitions seem to be building up again.)
I haven't heard from Carrie in awhile. (Worry, worry.)
(3pm) Nice workout.
(6pm) I got bored, so I vacuumed the rug, cleaned windows, dusted, and rearranged the living room. (Amazing.) (I really like this new living room lay out. (e.g., now I can see all my plants.)-(e.g., the affair with Sharon made me realize that the old layout wasn’t conducive to romance. (This way will be better for that, if it ever stops by to visit me again.)))
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
5-28-87
(8am) Another day to figure out how to fill up.
I think one of my biggest confrontations now is with sexuality. (I think if I would go out, remained open to it, studied others, and practiced; I would learn how to seduce women. (It might even be as simple as not blocking women's attempts to seduce me.)) (But, I am still torn about whether f'ing around is the next step towards finding a long term relationship, and I am still unable to deal with the sexual aspects of me.)