5-24-87
(8am) Maybe an answer to the problem of being overly sensitive is to switch it from internal to external experiences? (Being self-conscious blocks me from doing much of anything, and what little I do, I do poorly.)
Maybe I should find an apartment on the south side of town, within walking distance of some of the bars there? (Then I wouldn't have to worry about getting in the way of Erica’s fun when I go out.) (And, I have been told that more older women hang out in those bars.)
Although I still don't feel comfortable with the idea of telling women that I am desirable, I have to continue trying not to tell them I am undesirable. (And, before I can deal with telling women I am desirable, I have to get comfortable with telling myself that I am.)
I got a letter from Samantha yesterday. (She is still working and happy with her job (and the paycheck).) (Leo's dad is going to give them a car next month, so they will have wheels for the first time in two years.) (Leo is applying for a job teaching music there, so they may not have to leave there this summer when he graduates.) (She says she hasn't seen much of Josh and Julia, as he is having trouble with his parole officer. (I hope he manages to stay out of prison.)) (She has been partying a bunch and is having mega fun.) (It sounds like all is mostly good for her. (I am glad!))
(11am) Well, I am catching up with all my pen pals.
I have gone out when I was doing contract work for the County, but I noticed that my attitude isn’t as good as it is here. (I have interacted with those people in certain ways for so long, I seem to revert when I am around them.)
(1pm) Well, I finished catching up with all my pen pals. (Neat!)
(4pm) I went to the park and caught some rays. (That felt nice.)
(5pm) Nice walk.
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
5-25-87
(Noon) I wasn't tired last nite, so I lit a candle, listened to Rickie Lee Jones and found some poems in the flame. (Neat!)
Today I loaded the new poems and got them printed.
(4pm) Quiet afternoon of reading. (Nice.)
(5pm) Nice walk.
(8pm) Erica stopped by for a visit. (I do love her company.) (It sounds like she is having a great time lately. (Good for her!))