(6am) I suppose I should plug the phone back in.
(10am) Busy morning.
I got all of last nites poems loaded onto the computer and printed off.
I caught up with all my pen pals too.
Now I am cooking the dinner I couldn't eat last nite.
(6pm) Erica stopped by and I helped her with Richard's stories some more. (I am going to be sad when she finishes that project. (I have really loved all the companionship it's brought to me!)) (She gave me a little shit about partying at home alone on Saturday nite. (I don't know, I seem to enjoy myself more when I stay at home alone. (I can consume more for less money; if I feel the desire for a toke I can take one; I get far more companionship from writing to my pen pals than going alone to the bar; I don't have to deal with my fears or lack of social skills, …; and I don't have to worry about running into Erica. (That always makes us both uptight, gets in the way of her fun, ….))) (And, a lot of Saturday nite was that I had felt for some time that some poems were waiting to come, but were blocked by all the work and sobriety of the last couple months. (So I took a drug sledgehammer to the block. (Even Saturday nite was mostly work, and it required being alone.)))) (It may be a long time before I go out again.)
I am still not up to going to the bars. (Tis such a long process for me to meet anyone, given my behavior, and I am just not up to all the hours of sitting in a bar alone waiting for someone to befriend me!)
The days have sure been passing quickly. (One of the nice things about working on "Outlaws and poets" is that it makes unemployment bearable, by keeping my mind occupied.) (If Carrie doesn't send her letters though, I am at a dead end.)
Right now I am tired. (I fired up the computer at 6am, and worked straight through until now.) (Nothing on tv interests me tonite, so I will work on through until bedtime.)
Sometimes I worry about not playing much, but I just can't get into it alone. (Oh well, tis my own fault I have nobody to do things with. (Maybe I will get around to it someday?))
(7pm) I have sure grown used to being a hermit! (Tis a role that seems to fit me well. (Withdrawal comes easy to me, but then I have done it most of my life. (It has been my choice so I can't bitch.)))
Maybe someday I will like myself enough to give myself some more joy?