Part of my problem with playing is that it almost never occurs to me. (I am just the same now as I have been for the past three years. (The only difference is that now there aren't people who stop by, twist my arm, and make me go out to play. (Still, even then, weeks went by when no one stopped by, and I didn't play at all.))) (I get wrapped up in my studies, reading, writing, …; and I am lost to the world, unless someone makes me get out and play. (e.g., I started typing at 6am today and a couple hours later it's 6pm.)) (When I finally do come out of my work, my mind is fried, and kicking back in front of the tv is all I can manage.) (Maybe Carrie is right that I need to forget about trying to be a social and sexual being, and accept the life of a celibate poet? (That role fits who I am now.)) (I am not even sure that now is the time for me to worry about the social. (In order to meet people, build friendships, start doing things with others, …, I would have to invest a lot of my time and energy in it. (I did it for cheap in the Paw days and often went out broke, but it took eight hours a day for a year and a half.))) (Maybe now is time for work and getting my life together some more? (So confusing.)) (I still feel there is value in being alone now! (It has taught me much, and there have been some moments of ecstasy that I have found here!)) (I still have a long ways to go, but I am better!) (So many excuses.)
(9pm) Enough work for now.
I can't say that I don't have fun. (Tis just that now I am finding it in work and solitude.) (I would go on working now, but, when my mind is this fried, my error rate goes way up. (Tis time to listen to music, relax, and let my mind be blank for awhile!)) (Maybe my mind being burned out from work is part of my problem with socializing? (Maybe that I work until my mind is fried, is a sign of imbalance? (Maybe I have to find time and ways and the will to start playing as hard as I am working?)))
(10pm) Miranda never commented about the poems I gave her, so I didn't bother to print up copies of this new batch for her. (Oh well, I still have Erica and Carrie to read my meanderings.)
Back to poetry corner: