4-23-87
(8am) Besides not being in love with her, I don't think a relationship with Sharon would push me to grow much. (I think I would end up getting soft and lazy, rather than pushing myself to be more than I am now.) (I am not looking for easy. (I am looking for someone who will push me to be more, and someone who I can help grow.)) (And, although she complains about her hubby not wanting to spend time with women except for sex and mothering, I don't think she comprehends all the implications of a man who enjoys the company of women. (e.g., her hubby would take off to spend time with the boys, but I take off to spend time with the girls.) (I think her insecurities would bring a lot of conflict to any relationship we tried to build, and I am not willing to give up my current or future women friends for a lover. (There is no way that one woman can take care of all my needs in life, anymore than one man can take care of all her needs!))) (And, I think she needs to spend some time learning to like herself more, before she will be ready for a relationship. (I know I do.))
I am putting together a second mailing to the local CPA firms today. (Keep reminding them that I am looking.) (This time I am including a low salary request. (Maybe that will spark some interest? (Once I get my foot in the door someplace and get to work, my salary will go up; but for starters I need to work cheap just to get a paycheck coming again.)) (I am used to being poor, so it won't bother me or make any difference in my life to work for peanuts.))
(9am) I think I am going to have to start wearing underwear again, when I wear shorts. (I keep falling out of them, when I sit down.) (Then again, I am so seldom around others, what is the difference? (Going without feels good.))
There is an article in the latest "Psychology Today" that supports my feeling that I need to look for a girlfriend whose personality is opposite of mine. (A girlfriend who was also an introvert wouldn't push me much.)-(And, there wouldn't be much new I could help her learn about.) (All my women friends are extroverts, and they are the women I enjoy being with the most! (If it hadn't been for them twisting my arm a bit and drawing me out; I wouldn’t have done much of what I have done and experienced in the last few years! (I have a lot of new experiences, growth, love, …, to thank them all for!))-(And, I believe that a woman who would be a good complement to me, as a girlfriend, would also be an extravert! (But, I have a lot of growing to do to be ready for her and to become someone who she will enjoy and want to be with, as more than a friend!)))
(11am) Sharon called and cancelled our dinner. (She hurt her back, and can barely move.) (Oh well.)
(1pm) Erica stopped by and brought me lunch. (Twas nice visiting with her.) (She paid me $10 for the computer help I have been giving to her.)
Being with Erica always puts me on an emotional roller coaster ride, but I still enjoy her company. (And, it has helped me to learn to gain better control of my emotions.)
(2pm) I invested the $10 Erica gave me in a bottle of JD, for my five-year celebration on Sunday. (Her note said it was for going out on the town Friday nite, but I fail to see any reason for going to the bars now. (All I ever do now is sit there alone and get drunk. (That can be done cheaper at home; and I don't create a negative image of myself when I am home.)) (I am not open to relationships now, I am immature, I have nothing positive to offer others, I am not a fun person, ….))