4. I have never been much into outdoor activities, but I bought X-country skis, fishing stuff, and a bike, so I would have the equipment to do some of the things she enjoys doing, and maybe get a little more time with her. (Again, it didn't work, but I can't complain. (When I do get back to meeting people, having those things should help me find more time with them.)-(I had a lot of fun riding my bike alone. (Especially when my car was broke and I needed it to get to work))-(And having them did bring me a little extra time with Erica, which was neat!))
5. I moved to this apartment because she said the reason she didn't stop by was that it was out of the way. (I can't complain. (I like this place better, and it's easier to stumble home from the bars, than the old place.))
(I can't complain about any of the changes I have made because of loving Erica. (Or, rather, tricking myself into believing I was, so I could avoid sexuality, intimacy, and commitment.) (It has caused me to do a lot of things that have been good for me, and pushed me to change and grow, and that is all good! (Tis frustrating sometimes, and I can't help but wish that she felt differently; but, all in all, it has been the best thing to ever happen to me!)))
I am still not comfortable with f'ing around. (I am going to keep working on not taking it all so seriously, and I won't turn down loving that comes along; but all I have to offer anyone is a little time and an good f. (And, I can't seem to help being honest with them about that being all it is.) (There are women out there who are only looking for a f; and if I try to stick to doing them, I will be less likely to hurt someone and I won’t be wasting their time.))
I suppose it has been my feelings for her that have made her uncomfortable around me, so I can't really complain about her not spending more time with me. (Actually, when it comes down to it, I feel she deserves better than me, and she needs to be spending her time with others!)
(11am) Laundry time again.
I am content, mostly happy, and I continue to work at improving myself! (Tis neat!)
(1pm) Erica called and told me to come down to the park and join in the softball game between Flippers and Connie’s, but I am going to space it off. (
1. I don't remember ever playing softball.
2. I am not really looking to meet people now.
3. Those two bars are Erica's hangouts and I don't expect to spend much time in either.
4. I don't want to make her uncomfortable.
5. I don't want to get in the way of her fun.
6. When she and I are in the same place, others seem to see that I am in love with her, and I don't want anymore people knowing.)
Well, I think I will start loading the prose portion of "Outlaws and Poets" onto the computer. (I have a lot of hours of work ahead of me to get that all loaded.)
(6pm) Nice walk.
I am not feeling talkative tonite, so I have unplugged the phone.
(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)
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(7am) Happy Easter.