4-1-87
(Midnite) Quiet nite of tv. (Nice.)
(10am) I still wonder if my inability to do something with my accounting career isn't just another defense mechanism. (If I would find a good job and bust butt for a few years, I would cure my money problems and be able to date.) (And, if I stopped worrying about my problems with women, maybe I would relax enough for sexuality to happen?)
This business idea sure isn't panning out. (Tis time to start doing some more job searching. (I just finished up a mailing to the local CPA firms, and I am shipping it out today. (I did it all with data base and word processing software on the computer, and it was kind of fun.))
Until I find a revenue source, it's time to cut out the bars and go back to being a full time hermiting again, to conserve my money.
Tis also time to cut back on the beer and start getting into walking more. (The old beer gut is reappearing.)
(4pm) Nice workout.
Miranda stopped by at lunch. (She brought me some chips and dip, and some more blank tapes. (We figured out what new albums she wanted this time and had a really nice chat.))
(9pm) Pretty different evening.
Sharon and I hiked up to the M. (What a workout.) (When she dropped me off, I invited her in for a beer. (We bs'd a bit, and then I decided to offer her a j and see if she does that. (She does, so we smoked some.)) (Then she jumped on me and we f'ed for a couple of hours. (Yum!))) (Now she is headed for home. (She said that I surprised her. (She said I didn't impress her as someone who would be any good in bed, but she guessed wrong.) (It isn’t easy to start me up, but once I get started ….))) (I am glad I was able to please her! (I had been worried about being uptight, but I did just fine. (Since I didn't even see it coming and hadn't even thought about sex, that tends to support my idea that part of the answer is to just forget about it. (When it's right it will "just happen".))))
Now I had better get some food in me.
(10pm) I don't think what happened tonite is what Sharon had intended. (She said she had planned on giving me a lecture about how we could only be friends.)-(And, she got pretty uptight at the end and left.) (She is nice, but not someone I want to spend a lot of time with, and I was honest about that.)
I enjoy sex, but I still enjoy touching and being touched more.
4-2-87
(Midnite) Twas a strange day.
Tis going to take awhile for me to get used to f'ing around. (I still end up feeling guilty.)