I ate four x-tops before I went out earlier. (Tis nice having something to give me a little endurance, come party time.)
Although working out has improved me a bit as a potential lover, strength and endurance aren't everything. (I have to learn to relax enough with women to learn again the finesse and subtleties that go into being a man who is capable of giving a lot of pleasure to the women in my life.) (Maybe I worry about it too much; but I figure anyone who is sweet enough to bring pleasure to my life, deserves to have pleasure too.)
(3am) I enjoy speed because it increases my endurance come party time, and I could sit around sipping on a beer and bs'ing until dawn; but I am not sure I would be any good as a lover, this time of nite. (I would still prefer making love in the mornings, afternoons, and evenings, when I have more energy for giving women the pleasure I enjoy giving!) (Oh well, beggars can't be choosers, so I will try to accept it whenever it knocks at my bed.)
(4am) I suppose I should look for some sleep.
(11am) I sure caught a buzz last nite.
(4pm) Nice workout.
Tis sure snowing today.
I finally got the winter pictures I took to send to Carrie printed up and in the mail.
(9pm) I called the bar she works at and visited with Carrie for awhile. (She is doing well. (Good for her!)) (We talked a bit about my troubles with my feelings for Erica. (She says she wrote a letter about that to Erica, about the same day I wrote that first letter to Erica talking to her about my feelings again. (Weird.))-(I have had a problem with Erica, but I think I am working past that slowly but surely.)-(I do seem to be attracted to women who remind me of her. (I don't do it consciously, but there is definitely something in the eyes that attracts me to women who have some similarities to her.)-(My question is whether that is a bad way to go about looking for a girlfriend. (Erica is one of the most beautiful human beings I have met!))-(The only potential problem I see, would be if what I am chasing is women who will never be interested in being my girlfriend, so I will not have to come to terms with my fears of intimacy and commitment.)))) (Carrie says she thinks I should have done just one woman when I went to Wallace last. (Once I get started, I don't want to stop. (Who knows how long until loving will return to my life?))) (She also seems to be negative about me getting back into the bar scene. (I don't have any huge desire to spend a lot of time in the bars again. (I can think of other fun things I have learned to enjoy during the last few years that I don't want to give up completely; but I would like to find some companions and lovers and that is the only place I know to meet people.))-(I don't intend to return to every nite at the bar, but going so seldom will have to end, if I want friends.)) (She says she likes the latest addition to "Outlaws and poets" best, so far. (I think I am evolving into a better writer.))
(10pm) It sure was nice visiting with Carrie.
(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)