One of Erica's regular responses when I start feeling bad about not paying my ex enough money is to talk about her mom. (Why is it some women are able to overcome and become independent while others never escape?)
This afternoon I am doing some taping for Erica. (I enjoy doing that, and it makes me feel good to help others.)
(5pm) I gave myself another day off from my long walks. (I did three miles earlier, so no big-a-deal.)
(6pm) I took a long hot bath, shaved, and put on some clean clothes. (I am not going out, but I deserve a treat.)
(9pm) I am down to 170 pounds now. (Maybe that is too low?)
It has been cold (5 to 20 degrees) and gray lately. (There hasn't been any wind, so it’s bearable.)
(10pm) The economics of Montana seem to be deteriorating even more. (The state is beginning another round of budget cuts because last year's cuts weren't sufficient. (As such there are even less jobs at the universities.)) (Champion lumber says they are thinking of closing down.) (From what I read there isn't anywhere that things are going well.) (I would almost say we were in a depression and they are trying to hide the fact.)
12-20-86
(1am) Quiet nite.
(10am) There is no money, so no laundry day this week.
(5pm) Nice walk.
Erica dropped by with a couple brews for me. (Such a sweetheart.)
I have been pondering all my debt again of late, and trying to see the end of it. (How utterly depressing.)
Actually I am in pretty shitty mood tonite.
I keep telling myself that I will start going out again when the craving strikes me, but will it? (Maybe I just need to force myself to start getting out again? (Once I get out, I usually end up enjoying myself. (Tis just tough getting out the door.))) (I suppose a lot of it still boils down to liking myself enough, and believing I have something to contribute.)
I am feeling like a job is a long ways off still. (Probably at least another three to six months.) (I hope I am wrong, but ….)
A guy came by today and looked at the car, but was turned off by the fact that it doesn't start. (For it to start I would have to plug it in and run it daily, and I just can't afford to do that.)
(8pm) These brews do taste good. (It has been awhile.)