It would be a little stilted, but one way I though of to build conversations might be to make notes of things to say. (I do that with writing. (When something occurs to me, I jot down a couple word note to myself and then later I will build a paragraph out of it in my writings.)) (?)
(11pm) Quiet nite of tv.
9-23-86
(Midnite) I suppose that, in a lot of ways, all I have to do is the opposite of what I have been doing.
(6pm) Busy day.
I wish Gwynn would stop telling people I am a "nice guy". (A lot of women seem to perceive "nice guys" as boring. (They might look for a "nice guy" if they were looking for a steady beau; but when it's time to just go out and scratch the itch, they usually aren’t looking for one.) (Oh well, I suppose they would label me as a "nice guy" without her using the label.) (Back to trying to figure out how to be perceived as nice and fun to play with.)
Another advantage of joining a health club is that it's a way to put some structure into unemployment. (And a way to use the time more constructively.)
I have always been too afraid of being slapped and not liked, to try Carrie's
suggestion of going to the bar around 1am, finding a "likely looking woman", and
telling her "I have been watching you, and I would really like to eat your
pussy." (What if I used the idea of quotes Grinder and Bandler give in "Frogs into Princes" and
said, "One of my women friends once told me to go to the bar around 1am …"?
(I wonder if that is a way to be nice and open the door in case she has interested in
playing?)) (Or, do I need to hit on everyone, get slapped lots, and piss off a lot of
women?)
Sexuality confuses me so much! (I have spent at least 6,000 hours over the last four and a half years in bars, at least that many studying and pondering, and a couple thousand hours writing about it; and I am still confused.) (One of these days!) (I am not going to stop until I figure out how to unlock that door!)
(11pm) Quiet nite.
One advantage of unemployment is I can go back to being a nite person for awhile.
Oh yes, my car is starting to give me problems again. (No more than I drive, you would think that it would stay fixed for awhile.) (I hate that car!)
I wonder if I am running my perceptions through so many internal filters, that I am not able to relate to what is going on, and perceive what is actually happening?
9-24-86
(11pm) Quiet nite of tv.
I watched another r-rated movie tonite. (Sex still looks like it's fun, but I don't have any idea how to get there from here.)