I have been wondering if my advice to Hunter about moving to L.A was right! (I told him that I thought there was a possibility that he and Carrie could work things out again, but that he would have to overcome his jealousy enough to allow both of them the room to grow and become the people they can be.) (And, that I thought that part of why Carrie broke it off last winter was that Hunter needed to do some growing, and she felt he wasn't doing it with her.) (I suppose I shouldn't interfere in such matters, but they did make a good couple. (And, Carrie did move to California and she did what Hunter had wanted her to do, rather than what she had talked about doing. (i.e., Carrie had planned to go to grad school or work in social work, and Hunter wanted them to get jobs on a boat and spend their time together at sea. What Carrie did at first was to go to work on a fishing boat.))) (Maybe it's stupid of me to do that when I love her too, and wish she wanted more than friendship from me; but all that is really important to me is that she find happiness and she was mostly happy with Hunter.)
(Noon) Laundry time again.
I sure was wired up last nite.
I am getting really weary of this internal struggle. (If I stay home I end up being stiff and sore and headachy; but if I try going someplace where I can interact with others, I start shaking more and my stomach gets queasy. (One of these days I will break through. (Just don't ask me when.)))
Gwynn said it was after she started working out that she started meeting more people and found a beau. (She sure changed a lot from the first time I met her back in 1984, to the second time I met her in 1985. (Somewhere in between she broke through to some kind of new level where she liked herself more.)) (I suppose another advantage of joining a club is that it would be a fairly neutral environment to practice on my social skills.)
I tried working on the poems I have started, but nothing would come. (I know I am doing something wrong in my life when the poetry stops.)
(2pm) I suppose I should stop trying to find rationalizations for withdrawal. (They all boil down to some part of my unconscious trying to protect me.)
(3pm) One problem with the idea of finding a way to access scenes from movies and books, to help with learning to interact, is that too many were "romantic" and tied in with "sexual monogamy".
(5pm) Now I am working on taping the rest of these albums. (Nice!)
(4pm) Erica called and we are going to go shoot some pool. (That sounds like fun.)
9-21-86
(3am) Erica and I went out to dinner, then to Connie's to shoot some pool, and finally back here to bs a bit. (I do love her company!) (I fell in lust with the bartender at Connie's. (Erica says she thinks that woman is "pretty young", and Miranda's comment was that the gal is a "slut". (Mr. Happy doesn't care.))
I watched "Protocol" after Erica left. (What a waste of time.)