Note from the ozone: Isn’t one of the major problems with "sexual monogamy" that it objectifies the people involved? (Objects aren't supposed to change, but people do.) (Will we ever change the structure of our relationships and the sexual games we play, in the process of developing them, so that they leave room for people to be people?)
(6pm) I caught up with my pen pals and mailed another bunch of letters. (I do my part to keep the post office busy.)
(7pm) Although I have tried a number of times and ways, each time I have tried to instigate a sexual encounter, I have fallen on my face. (Since the woman making the first move began all of them in the past, I still feel that is the way to continue.)-(I just don't know how to read the non-verbal cues women use to direct seduction, and I think I am safer to wait for them to use less subtle means of communication.) (I have become spontaneous, sexually, with women, but it was after the relationship had been clearly defined by them as a sexual one.)
(10pm) I wonder if the reason trying to learn about and understand relationships is so very confusing to me is that I am trying to approach the problem wrong? (I keep trying to deal with it using the same methods I used to learn in school, and since then in my own studies; but maybe those methods can't work with learning about relationships?)
9-15-86
(Midnite) Quiet nite of reading and music.
(1am) Another thing to work on is leaving introspection, worries, …, to my times of solitude; and work on making my time with others up time. (People aren't going to want to spend much time with me until I stop being such a downer to be with!)
Trying to figure out how to act so women like me and want to play with me has me feeling like a total ignoramus!
(6pm) I suppose I should change bars if I really wanted to meet women. (Since my divorce, I have spent all my time in bars full of women who are mostly 10-15 years younger than I am. (Tis a good defense mechanism.)) (But, until I overcome my fear of intimacy and figure out how to behave so that women don't label me as "too nice to fuck", what is the point? (That whole puzzle has me feeling totally stupid!))
(11pm) Another quiet nite of reading and music.
9-16-86
(6pm) I just finished a weird book called "Frogs into Princes" by John Grinder and
Richard Bandler.