I stopped by Corky's to say hi to Dell.
Would another name for "conquest and surrender" be the "fucking game"? (That takes less time to write.)
(10am) Hangover time.
Line from a movie the other nite: "Sex is a stacked deck and women hold all the cards." (I wonder if anyone who interests me will ever deal me anything but the rejection card?) (Keep looking for the eight of hearts.)
(Noon) Laundry time.
One of my biggest puzzles: Women are constantly tell me about fellows who they think are "worthless" (to use a fairly positive word), yet those are the men who they bed. (e.g., Carrie says she feels sorry for the woman who married Ian, yet he was good enough to be Carrie's lover, while I wasn't.)-(e.g., there is one guy in Bozeman who is an ex-con and abuses women on a regular basis, and Samantha has lots of bad things to say about him; yet she has bedded him even after the time when he stood by and watched while his girlfriend almost killed Samantha.) (If those men are "worthless", what does that make me?) (My favorite part of life is the time I spend with my women friends, so I will keep being a "nice guy"; but I also enjoy sex, so I suppose I will continue to wish that my women friends thought I was "worthless".)
9-14-86
(2am) I went to the Top Hat and Corky's tonite. (Same old same old.)
More on trusting: Although I am slow to trust, there are lots of people who would never trust anyone as much as I trust Erica, Carrie, and Samantha; so I am capable of it.
(1pm) I feel like shit again. (I have a feeling these are tension headaches, rather than hangovers.)
I suppose one of the biggest reasons women don't perceive me as someone fun to play with is that I haven't been very playful. (I suppose it's hard to imagine that someone who is serious and nervous much of the time could be any fun in bed. (I have to find some way to unlock the door and allow my Child aspect to come out more often, in a wider variety of situations.))
(2pm) Isn't the essential nature of the outlaw, the demand for choice?
Besides being good for the body and soul, and being much fun, I suppose sex would also bring me even more time with women. (Always being just the friend means my women friends have to spend a lot of time with other men to fulfill their sexual needs.)
(3pm) Erica dropped in for a visit. (Nice.) (She dropped off another letter. (She has sure been writing a lot lately. (Neat!)))