The more I think about it, the more I think that monogamy is an unrealistic expectation of marriage. (That isn’t to say that a couple should go around f'ing everyone or looking for other lovers; but it does happen and that shouldn't be a reason for ending a relationship that is based on more than sex.) (Nothing is forever, and death, divorce, being caught up in a moment, …, can all lead to other lovers; and the person that goes into marriage expecting forever and monogamy is setting themselves up for disappointment and pain. (Tis a sweet dream, but when one takes it out on the street, it doesn't fit reality.)) (Despite the shift in my thinking, I still have to get to where that is what I feel, as well.)
Reflecting on the O'Neils' comments about how important it is for a couple to walk different roads sometimes, in order to collect a variety of experiences that can be brought back and shared with their mate, and help push forward the growth of both; seems to fit in with my feeling that I need to look for girlfriends who are extroverts. (I tend to wander through inner worlds and some of what I find there and bring back could contribute to another's growth; but I am lacking input from outer worlds. (How what I drag back from my journeys fits into reality is something a woman who is an extravert could contribute to my growth.))
Samantha's standard defense for her affairs is, "We are not married";
but isn't that a bad attitude? (George and Nena O'Neill are saying that people who
live together and then marry see their marriages fail, because they stop being the
individuals they were when they lived together and start trying to fit themselves into the
traditional roles of husband and wife. (Shouldn't monogamy be a matter between two
individuals and subject to their personal needs, rather than a matter of whether they are
"legally" married and trying to force themselves into traditional roles?) (Maybe
the question of monogamy shouldn't even be a part of the contract between two people?))
(7pm) Well, I got all my chores done.
(11pm) Quiet nite.
After reading "Open marriage", I think I have used the wrong language in talking about monogamy and polygamy. (They use the term "sexual monogamy" to refer to the traditional concept of only one lover. (i.e., tis quite possible to live with one person and for them to be the primary partner and for that relationship to be a monogamous living arrangement; but it doesn't necessarily mean they are "sexually monogamous" and never have affairs.))
7-1-86
(Midnite) Quiet nite of reading and writing.
(8am) A corollary to the fact that the women I enjoy being with aren't into "sexual monogamy" is that I have yet to meet a woman who was into it, who didn't bore me. (The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that my "one woman man" philosophy is just another defense mechanism. (That philosophy is the root of all the "too nice to f" comments I have heard over the years and it’s a big part of why no one will play with me.))