6-13-86
(Midnite) Welcome to Friday the 13th.
I tried to get a conversation going tonite with Gwynn, but no luck. (I guess I didn't try hard enough.)
Tis still hard for me to be social. (I am lost as to what to say and do.)-(But, the only way to learn is to practice, and to stop worrying about falling on my face. (Maybe someday.))
Work is really hectic right now.
I need to get back into gear and find a new apartment.
I spent the last hour analyzing work problems. (Will I ever learn to shut work off when I am home?)
(8am) I suppose one reason I can't talk about sex, except clinically, is fear that someone would respond. (I have to find a way around that block and learn to relate to women again on a sexual level.)
(3pm) I have spent a lot of time fretting about why I wasn't desirable to women; but maybe the simple truth is that I have been so afraid of being desirable that I have spent all my energy learning to run away and none on how to chase?
6-14-86
(Midnite) Another quiet nite.
(9am) Laundry time again. (Life goes on.)
(11am) Sun tanning time.
(2pm) Well, I have been sitting out in the sun since 11 catching up with all my pen pals. (Nice.)
(4pm) Erica stopped by and dropped off some new tunes for me to tape. (Neat.)
(9pm) Oh yes, Thursday nite I shot really good pool (I won every game.), until Erica showed up, and then I couldn't shot worth shit and started losing. (?) (Annoying.)
(10pm) Quiet nite of music. (Nice.)
Now for a walk downtown.
6-15-86
(8am) The music and girl watching at the Top Hat were good. (I did smile and try to keep my body language open, but couldn't find the courage to ask anyone to dance.)
Oh yes, happy fathers day to me. (Ha.)