She says one person commented to her that he thought I felt a girlfriend would solve all my problems. (I have been told that before, and I try to avoid feeling that way.)-(It would be nice if it was true, but it just doesn't fit reality. (In fact, it can even make things a lot worse.))-(The companionship and loving can be nice, but even the best relationships are not a cure all!) (Also, I have a lot more growing to do, before I will be ready for a relationship. (Right now, I might end up taking more than I gave, and I might be tempted to get involved with someone out of desperation for companionship and loving.))
I sure enjoy wearing shorts. (For the longest time I had a real problem with feeling I had to wear pants. (That is one thing I have managed to change.))
6-11-86
(7am) Maybe I unconsciously create an illusion that whoever I am with is my girlfriend, as a way of keeping other women away? (Another defense mechanism?) (It has helped me in the past to meet some other women through introductions from my women friends; but I suppose most women bought the illusion and were kept out of my life.) (Perception: When I have asked my women friends if they know any women they could introduce me to they usually say no, but when we go out partying we are always running into women they know and I get introduced then.)
(9pm) I went down to Flippers after work. When Erica got off of work we went for a bike ride, and looked for potential new apartments for me. (I would like to move closer to downtown, so I don't have quite so far to crawl after bars close.)
We finished interviewing today for someone to take my job. (There were several good people, but they hired a fellow (Michael) from California. (He wants to semi-retire, hunt, fish, and be closer to his kids and grand kids.)-(He has a lot of experience in the industry, and I think he will be able to help them a lot.))
(11pm) Quiet evening of reading and writing.
Quotes:
M. Scott Peck-"... the experience of falling in
love is invariably temporary." (Lust does tend to slip away fast.)
6-12-86
(8am) Maybe part of why I seem to meet more new women when I am with my women friends is that I trust their judgement more than my own? (Maybe I should trust my own instincts, but I do have a tendency to think with the wrong head.)
Maybe I shouldn’t even consider meeting any new women until I work through some more of this shit? (Right now I seem to depress people, and get in the way of their fun.)-(Get my shit together first, and then go out when my attitude is better.)
(11pm) Twas Charlotte's birthday so Erica called and told me to meet them at Corky's at eight. (I went down there, shot some pool, and bs'd with Dell a bit.) (Erica, Miranda, and Charlotte showed up around ten, they gave me the cold shoulder, and then they left without even saying goodbye. (I guess I have done things like that before, so I can't really complain.)-(I wonder why she is upset with me now?)-(Why would she invite me along, if she didn't want me around?))