(Noon) One way that I may not be past my divorce is money. (Seeing half of the money I make each year go out the door, is a constant reminder of what getting involved can cost. (I am paying out a little over $7,000 a year on my divorce decree.)-(Living in poverty most of the time, and not being able to go out or date regularly; severely constricts what kind of social life I can have.) (Oh well, she has few skills and many bills, so just keep paying.)-(Someday the bills will all be paid, and I will be able to spend more of my money on me.)-(I got myself into this mess as a result of my own choices, so I can't complain.))
(10pm) I went to Flippers, shot some pool, bs'd with Gwynn and Erica, and went with them to Charlie B's after Erica got off of work. (Erica is sure looking tasty. (Be nice to ….)-(Such a lech.)) (I have a lot more fun partying with Erica than I do going to the Top Hat alone!)
6-5-86
(8am) Beautiful morning.
It still amazes me how much the County has changed in six months. (There has been almost a complete turnover in accounting personnel.)
One thing my women friends have in common is that, if I am being a drag, they tell me to get lost until I find my smile. (It helps to have friends who aren't afraid to be honest.)
(5pm) Busy day.
Erica says I should just talk to women, get to know them, and then choose lovers based on that. (The problem with that is that, in our society, women do the choosing.)-(I can however get out and meet women, get to know the one's who I enjoy being with and find desirable, and hope that some of them eventually choose me. (And, even if none did choose me, I would at least end up with more friends and companionship. (Maybe someday.)))
(9pm) I went down to Flippers again after work, and went out partying again with Erica. (And, had fun again!)
I gave Erica some more money and she bought me a bunch of new shorts for summer. (Neat.) (I am not sure I will ever work up the courage to wear the red one’s, but maybe someday.)
Erica suggested I take up golf, but I can't afford to now. (And, I am not sure I want to walk down that part of memory lane just yet.)-(When I was growing up, that was one of my methods of escaping the house, and withdrawing. (My dad would drop me off at the golf course on his way to work, I would play golf alone, and then he would pick me up on his lunch hour.))
(10pm) I caught up on my tv watching. (I love my VCR. (I really love fast forwarding through the commercials!))
6-6-86
(Midnite) I am tired, but I can't seem to wind down enough to find sleep. (Maybe a few brews will help the quest.)
Erica is going to Hawaii for a holiday and I am loaning her my big suitcase. (Tonite I emptied all my junk out of it. (What a walk down memory lane that was.))