5-20-86
(Noon) It took ages to fall asleep last nite.
If I ever have money for a vacation it would be nice to go visit Carrie. (I miss her.)
Since I did enjoy myself Sunday, maybe I shouldn't worry about the negative parts?
(8pm) I stopped in Flippers after work, and visited with Erica for awhile.
5-21-86
(Noon) Twas nerve racking, but I went in and jumped my bosses today about what they are doing wrong and what changes they need to make. (I had brought my car to work and had gotten all my stuff together, in case I got fired. (So far, I am still on the payroll.))
(7pm) I am debating with myself about spending some money on another trip to Wallace. (It would be nice to get laid, but that is a lot of money.)-(And, I can't help but wonder if it isn't just avoiding the problems of meeting women, figuring out how to be desirable, and coming to terms with intimacy.)
I stopped in Flippers again after work today, and visited with Erica and Dell. (Erica seems to be mad at me again.)
(10pm) Erica called and visited some more. (Nice.)
She dropped off her photo albums the other day and I have been going through those. (She is a good photographer!) (There are some really beautiful mountain and ocean shots!) (There are a lot of pictures of parties too. (Those reflect Erica's problem with touching. (There are several where she is with men who are touching her; but none where she is touching any of them.)))
I wish I hadn't thrown away all my negatives and pictures for my ex. (She got pissed because my favorite subject had been women.) (Photography is something else I seem to have given up since my divorce.) (I think Hunter used my camera more in a few months than I have in the last four years.)
I was thinking about what Lisa said about me going from no lovers to lots, and I remembered that Billie used to tell me the same thing. (Who knows what the future will hold?)
5-22-86
(1pm) Busy day.
During the first hour of that meeting at work yesterday I had the shakes really bad. (Oh well, it passed. (I have to learn that the only way to overcome my fears is to confront them.))