I think Lisa is wrong that I will go from f'ing no one to f'ing everyone. (I don't see much difference between the two. (What I need to do is build relationships.)) (The romantic in me dreams of going from none to one, but I suppose that doesn't fit reality too well.) (I think what I need to do is build a number of friendships, and go from none to a few friends and lovers. (Which means that sex is still likely to be a long ways off, as it takes time to build friendships and let them mature.))-(Or, is all that just another defense for not dealing with intimacy?)
Carrie commented, in her last letter to me, that if she were a one-man woman, she would look for someone like me. (I suppose that is a clue to my problem. (The women I enjoy being with aren't one man women and I have labeled myself as a one woman man; so I am not someone they will consider playing with.))-(?)
I keep coming back to the thought that, for now anyway, I need to change the type of bars I am going to, and the time I go to them. (I have met a lot of women in music bars, in the past; but I spent more time there than I do now and women asked me to dance. (Here the women seem to prefer to dance with each other than to ask a guy to dance.)) (I suppose another answer is to work on changing my personality, so that I can deal with the rejection that comes with being assertive and asking women to dance; but I am not there yet. (Would different types of bars be any different? (If I can't ask women to dance, I probably wouldn’t be able to ask them to shot pool or talk to them.)))
I am getting tired of hearing about people going to jail because of drugs. (As long as their way of getting through the nite doesn't get in the way of how others get through their nites, it should be their choice!) (Since laws are just a bluff maybe it's about time to call them on this? (e.g., if everyone who is doing drugs or thinks those laws are silly would walk into their local cop shop, insist on being arrested, pleaded innocent, refused bail, and insisted on jury trials; the system would collapse.)
Actually, I think, some people are looking to government to solve too many problems, and the government doesn't have any business taking away so much of our freedom to try and solve them. (Especially considering what a shitty job they do.) (It has resulted in more laws than we can afford to enforce. (Especially when you consider the revenues that are lost by not taxing those enterprises!)) (People need to start being more independent, taking responsibility for their own lives, and facing up to their own problems!)
(10pm) Weird day.
Erica called and asked if I wanted to go fishing. (It turned out to be a rafting trip with her, Henry, Miranda, Jeremy, Charlotte, and Jim. (I left my fishing pole in the drop car, and couldn't remember if I had locked that car up (or so I told myself, consciously); so I skipped out on rafting at the last moment and hitched a ride back to the drop car. (Maybe ran out is a better description?))) (If I had known it was going to be a big rafting trip, I wouldn't have agreed to go. (When I was a kid, I almost drowned my mother and sister in a rafting accident, and I haven't been much into rivers of lakes since.)-(I can swim in a pool and I have no real fear of drowning; but I don't want to be responsible for the safety of others. (I am totally ignorant and incompetent when it comes to boats and the water.))-(I suppose it's all irrational, but the fear is real.))
Despite the anxiety attack I did enjoy the trip! (I worked on my suntan, did a lot of thinking, enjoyed being out in the country, and watched the river go by.)-(That was the first time I have been out in the country this year.) (Nice day!)